Best thing to hold onto in life is each other

Bet Your Bottom Dollar

2012-01-17T21:26:00.000-08:00

I have never been an optimist.
A "world-class bitcher" were an ex-boyfriend's exact words. If you want a peppy, look on the bright side, the sun will come out tomorrow, insert the obvious non-profound statement here, I'm not your gal.
There is a comfort in sarcasm and dark humor for me. A witty quip at the expense of my problem is like a cozy fire coupled with a great glass of wine. My cynicism at less than desirable situations is far more entertaining than your "maybe God has a different plan" talk.
Of course God's plans are different than mine!
Of course I'm being selfish!
Of course these tears and the stomping of these feet aren't going to accomplish a damn thing!
Bitching about a situation doesn't accomplish anything, I don't wallow or get stuck for very long, but sometimes it's just the only thing that feels right. It's my process, don't take it personally if I'm irritated when you pull out a cliche that I know is true.
So when I go to wash my make-up off, but my tears have already done that job too well; I can run the water anyway and wash this shit-hole of a day down the drain because guess what?? Tomorrow is a new effin' day.

Comforting Constants

2011-11-12T16:30:00.000-08:00

As the cold weather bears down and I begin inching the lever on the thermostat a little higher, my husband doesn't say a word
Seat heaters!
How much better a pumpkin spice latte tastes while wearing a scarf
The Adele cd that has made a permanent home as cd #1 in the changer in my car
The giggles that ensue when we pull Beckett's socks off for bath time
Being able to spend most of my week at home with said "giggler"
Dinners every Wednesday night with my parents and sister's family, I treasure it
The enthusiasm of a 1 year old when you pick him up first thing in the morning
A conversation with a far away friend that feels like we just ran into eachother at the grocery store
Target is always comforting on some level
The grace extended to me when I'm not being a very nice wife

Sorry it's been so long. We are doing great, getting ready for the Holidays and very excited about it. My sister is having another baby in June and Chris is doing well with his new job.
Our monkey is cracking us up every day with his cheesy smile and endless energy. He is saying quite a few words and copying even more. I call it the "monkey see, monkey do" stage, so we are now on our best behavior... We find ourselves hunkering down with all the new tv shows this fall and not enough time to fit them all in. Oh well, finding the balance in this madness is a life long dance.

Mr. Schneider takes a crack at blogging

2011-07-06T21:26:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share this blog that my wonderful husband reads frequently and was published in this week!
If you click here, you can read his letter. Love you honey, Happy Father's Day!

Alive and Camping

2011-07-05T22:14:00.000-07:00

What better way to reintroduce myself to blogging than to show you how Beckett's first camping trip went!

There was no make-up, no cell coverage, no air conditioning, and only the heat from our fire at night. We tent camped with an 8 month old! I'm not going to lie, I was crazy nervous. To the point, I was ok with packing him up and getting a motel room in West Yellowstone if things didn't go smoothly. I had no expectations, I just thought we'd take it as it comes and see what happens.

And go figure... our little guy loves camping! He loved being outdoors and watching the trees sway in the breeze. He loved just sitting on the blanket in his bug tent in the shade and playing with toys and screaming as loud as he could just to hear his own voice.

There was a mama moose and her 4 week old calf (according to the campground host, I'm not that "in tune" with nature) near our campground that we got a couple pictures of with Chris' telephoto lens... don't want to get too close to a mama moose.

This mama got to enjoy a couple glasses of vino near a fire, roast some mallows, and just relax. The bed wasn't comfortable, my face was freezing at night, the mosquitoes were horrendous, and it was fabulous!

Beckett's newest thing is waving, we haven't captured it in a photo yet, but he opens and closes his hand in salutation and it melts my heart. Just to know that my little man is beginning to understand and communicate with us is incredible. He is on the verge of crawling and I'm soaking up every "you'll be right where I left you" moment. Hope this makes up for my absence and I hope to treat you to more stories and more photos soon!

Get Me Some Arm Floaties!

2011-03-11T15:44:00.000-08:00

This was a hard week for me. I had a case of the "Heavy Head" as my dear friend, Aubyn, puts it.

I'm sure it started with the mind numbing sleep deprivation and was whipped into a frenzy with stress and then topped off with some self pity and frustration. Recipe for sad mommies everywhere.

Don't worry, no pysch ward or post partum in my future, just reflecting on what I felt and thinking maybe I'm not the only one in history to have experienced this.

Beckett had a particularly rough Tuesday and it lead to lots of tears for both mother and son. I had lots of work to do at home and he was quite upset with me. It all came to a head when the crying was escalated to screaming for about 45 minutes and nothing I could do would make it better. I thought about calling my mom, but there was nothing she could do. She would tell me to try everything I already had. I just helped him through it and when he finally fell asleep, I cried. He was better after that, but I kept crying.

I keep thinking about something I heard on TV. A lady said, "I never realized motherhood would be so lonely." Silly statement, but I could see what she was hinting at. There you are, overjoyed with this miracle that is your child. By day, they are the focus of attention for everyone. Your husband, your relatives, your friends, and yourself are all so fixed on every whim of this 15 lb drooling, pooping, wonderful fleshy football. By night, it's just the two of you and one of you is seriously interrupting those recommended 7-9 hours of sleep. Showering and hot meals become a luxury. I knew this, I knew this is how it would be, I am happy to do it. I am thrilled to be doing it. I am tired. I am tired and I'm afraid that if I don't say these things out loud, they will consume me.

It will happen so fast, soon he will be sleeping over at friends' houses and this will all be a distant memory. Right now, I am bobbing, head barely above water, trying to hang onto that shred of myself that I remember. I am being a bit dramatic, but some days I feel pulled under. This week had too many of those days strung together.

I have 2 girl dates this weekend that I'm super excited for and I know the whole time, I'll be missing my little man desperately.

Waterworks

2011-02-28T19:09:00.000-08:00

Being a mom is a sentimental tsunami.
I can't believe how often I catch myself crying. I don't want to put Beckett in the next size up clothes because it means he's growing, I don't want to buy the next size up diaper because there's still 1 whole pound between him and the size limit the box says he should be before they won't fit anymore.
I think back to those intimate hours when I was the only one who knew he even existed. I carried his secret for almost 12 hours and the pride swelled into tears more times than I can count.
He's sleeping across my lap as I type this and I can't bear to think that in a matter of months, he won't fit in my arms like this anymore.
Some of you may know that I'm a bit of a crier... I've been known to shed tears over silly things, like leaving a pillow behind at a motel, or even just a bit too many tissues get used during sappy movies. But this is something different. This boy, my son, is the apple of my eye. I have never been so tired in my life, I have never been so disorganized, out of sorts, can't keep myself in clean clothes, but nothing else matters when he smiles.
Life is good, Beckett is great, being a mom is amazing.

Mars and Venus

2011-01-18T21:09:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across a hilarious observation since having a child and just had to share...

Beckett and I went to a regional meeting for the Montana Bowhunter's Association. We were the last ones to show up in a room of about 10 men. I walk around the room with the baby carrier in hand. Set him on the table, trying to keep him asleep. He promptly wakes up and gets fussy. Nobody in the room says boo about the baby, or me, or anything. They continue their conversation as if we aren't even there. We went into an adjacent room and he worked out his fussiness and I missed the entire meeting.
As the meeting came to a close, I heard one of the guys go outside and come back in. Everyone stood up and walked toward the object he brought in. I made my way around the crowd huddled around the object. I peeked through with my now sleeping baby over my shoulder and saw what all the fuss was about. A gigantic elk antler rack sat on the floor with a proud owner stabilizing it and smiling from ear to ear. The men asked questions so eagerly and listened so attentively to the answers. They discussed the length of time it took to haul the animal out of the woods, the length of the G2, the darkness of the bone, and the possibly ancestry to elk from Yellowstone Park.
As the men oogled the bones, I packed up my snuggly little newborn in his carrier and practically slipped out the door unnoticed. What a strange experience for a new mom.

More recently, my Mom and I were standing in her kitchen when Dad came in and told us that he had talked to Casey earlier in the day and Casey's brother and sister-in-law had their baby. Mom and I excitedly asked when, how, how big, you know, the usual questions. My Dad looked at us and said, "Uh, Kevin....something." and walked out of the kitchen. Mom and I looked at each other so dissatisfied. Mom then observed, "If she had shot an elk, we would know a whole lot more!" I laughed at this observation recalling my similar story and said, "Exactly! We would know where they were on the mountain, how many times it was shot, which way it ran, which call he used, how many times he threw up while gutting it..."
The differences hadn't seemed quite so evident to me before, but we really do see the world through a different lens!

Absent(minded)

2010-12-27T10:22:00.000-08:00

AAAHHHHH!
I can't believe how fast time flies and how priorities shift.
Turns out having a kid totally changes your life. In those quiet moments when he's sound asleep, you either do the dishes as quietly as you can or snuggle him close and catch a few zzzzz's yourself. This doesn't leave much time for blogging or Facebook. I thought there would be time to occassionally update while I worked 2 days a week, but apparently packing all of my duties into the 2 days I'm at work is a little more challenging than I thought it would be.
You know how the entire time you are pregnant, people are telling you those crazy stories about when they were pregnant and filling your head with "urban myths of pregnancy??" It turns out, that doesn't stop once you've given birth. People are now filling my head with the myths of infancy.

"When my kids were born, I actually lost weight! I walked out of the hospital the same day... in my jeans I wore the night I got pregnant!"

"When so and so was born, they slept through the night from the first night they came home from the hospital. Fell asleep as soon as you laid 'em in the crib and slept until you went and got 'em!"

These things are cruel, and most likely completely untrue, but people always want to offer their information!
If you are still checking my blog, I appreciate you, and will try to get some new pictures up because I have the cutest little boy and I would love to share him with you!

Beckett's Story

2010-11-08T19:58:00.000-08:00

We hoped, we prayed, we walked, I cried. My due date of October 7th came and went without any sign of a baby coming. Everywhere I went, people asked when I was due. I would tell them "today!" or "yesterday." or "last Thursday.." and everyone would lunge forward as if to catch the baby they thought was about to pop out of me.
I saw Dr. Ezell on Monday the 11th after he returned from his vacation, during which I was supposed to have a baby. He walked in the room and gave me a very strange look, as if he were mad that I made him wrong for predicting our child's birth so incorrectly. I told him that this child was determined to prove him wrong and he gently nodded his head in agreement. My C-section was scheduled for Wednesday morning and I was still holding strong to a possibility of at least going into labor naturally. He didn't check me for dilation, just verified the breech position and said, "In the highly unlikely event that you go into labor in the next 2 days, make sure they call me. I don't always have my pager, but they have my cell phone and you make sure they call me."
We left the office and I cried some more. Feeling defeated and settling on a surgical, unexciting, scheduled birth for our daughter.
We went to bed Monday night and I told Chris how disappointed I was at being "robbed" of some of the normal experiences first time parents get. Obviously, my natural birth plan was toast, and now the exciting rush of going into labor was gone as well. I had given up on the whole thing and drifted to sleep. I woke up as usual in the middle of the night to pee because my bladder was now compressed to the size of a marble. I peed, headed toward the bathroom door and continued what felt like peeing. My stomach twisted as I remembered my Mom's stories of going into labor and thinking that her water breaking was just peeing her pants. I made appropriate arrangements for what I've heard was a gush of water and thanked God that my mom and sister made me buy those ridiculously huge feminine products the day before.
I went into our bedroom wide awake and nervously excited to wake Chris.
"Chris, Chris...(gently shaking and speaking softly) Chris...Chris"
"Chris(1 good shove and normal voice)" Now he's awake. "My water is breaking... or is broken..."
He gives me a strange look and buries his head back in the pillow as if this is all a dream. Then, BOOM, he pops awake and realizes what I've said. I explained the strange verbiage and told him I was going to call the hospital. They told me to come in right away and we called our families to meet us there.
We took about an hour to gather our things as we had most of it packed, but kept running into each other and asking silly questions about what to bring (of course we will need your printer, what if we fill up the memory cards??!!) Just kidding, we didn't bring a printer, but Chris did change his outfit 3 times. I wasn't having contractions that felt any different than the ones I'd been having for over a week, so that was nice. As we got in the car, I said to Chris,"this is the last time we will drive away from our house without a child, I mean, as non-parents."
The ER admittance was quick and easy as I was standing and talking and in no pain. They made me sit in a wheelchair as they took us up to the labor and delivery floor where my parents and sister were waiting. My nurse came in, the same one my sister had(and I loved), Bridget. She laughed about how our entourage had beat us there. Janelle and Chris's parents showed up shortly after. She had to check and make sure my water really had broken/was breaking as I had told them. Apparently some women get that wrong. They hooked me up to all the monitors and I couldn't believe it was all really happening. She asked if I had a birth plan, and I gave her a copy. I was sad that most of it was garbage because there had been virtually no movement since my water broke and it didn't feel like she was going to flip. The contractions began to get my attention and I got to relax and breathe through them as I had practiced. We grabbed a piece of paper and took everyone's guesses on her weight. The highest guess was Bridget's and she guessed 8lbs 8oz. Let it be known, she was right on with Zeke's weight.

Dr. Ezell came in, and of course, I told him that my daughter had proven him wrong yet again by causing labor in a "highly unlikely" fashion. He graciously nodded again and had me sign the consent form for the C section. I had technically been in labor for about 2 1/2 hours at that point and flipping over seemed like a lost cause. They explained the process and handed Chris his scrubs. Everyone was on pins and needles in anticipation for Logan's arrival. (I even heard Janelle ran from her house to her car) Tears and hugs met me as I left the labor room and headed for the surgery room.
Once inside the OR, I was given the spinal, which I had imagined would be much worse than it was. My toes began to tingle and I was starting to feel quite nervous. The Doctors came in, they laid me on the table, and it seemed like everything was going to start before Chris even came in. Finally, a nurse brought him in, they pinched me a few more times to be certain I couldn't feel anything and it was show time.
Chris insisted on peeking over the curtain and watching the procedure. I concentrated on not feeling nauseous, and trying to pull myself back into the room. The whole thing seemed like an out of body experience, it was really happening, our daughter was almost here. The incision was complete and I could feel the assisting Dr. start pushing on her head near my rib cage to get her out. He pushed, and shoved, and pushed, and probably grabbed a jack hammer. I looked at the anesthesiologist and he knew I was about to puke. As he's giving me something to control the overwhelming urge to sit up and spew; I feel the relief of our child exit my body and I hear Dr. Ezell say, "This baby had a sex change in utero!" BLINK. BLINK. BLINK.
Time stood still. I could hear the nurses scurrying, and the machines beeping, but my heart was broken. I looked up at Chris as his face turned white and his eyes filled with tears as he said, "It really is a boy." I heard Bridget say, "It's a BIG BOY!" Chris and I stared at each other for a moment not even knowing what to feel. I heard him cry and I told Chris to go to him and get some skin contact. You know how in every TLC show about babies the woman always cries when they hear the baby cry?? I couldn't, I was frozen. I'm not even sure how to describe what was going through my head, except that I was honestly disappointed. I tried to tell myself that was crazy and I must be a terrible mother for thinking that way, but the disappointment was practically choking me.

Chris brought him over all bundled up and I saw those beautiful big eyes and I knew that I loved him, but I didn't know who he was. He knew my voice as I said "hello," and kissed his sweet face. I thought back to our ultrasounds and this seemed like a completely different child. They finally put me back together as Chris rocked our son and talked to him. We went to the recovery room where the nurse propped the door open so our families could see us and we could tell them the big news. A nurse had kind of spoiled the surprise and tried to recover, but we could see it on their inquisitive faces as the door swung open. "We have a baby boy," were the words I believe managed to escape my nervous lips. The faces staring back at me described my feelings exactly. A few pictures were snapped and tears were shed, but there was a strange sorrow that covered us all.

They weighed this precious baby boy and told us he was 9lbs, 13oz. Good Lord, that's a big boy. In recovery, I breastfed him and talked to him and tried to reconcile my heart. Chris and I stared in amazement at what we had just experienced. As the anesthesia wore off, I was shaking and still not feeling very well, let alone feeling like myself. They took us to our room on the mother/newborn side and brought our families in to meet our son.

The morning was full of phone calls and "can you believe its?" The morphine in the anesthesia was not treating me well and I threw up several times. Try doing that right after your abdomen was just sliced open... The nurses were so nice and everyone wanted to meet the little boy that tricked one of the most experienced doctors in Billings. A friend of ours who works in the hospital even said she heard about it down in the regular ORs, they were calling him the sex change baby.
People asked what his name was and Chris and I couldn't say we had any idea what to name this little surprise of ours. My sister got the baby name book and read several options to us throughout the day. We of course, entertained the idea of using Logan, as it works for both sexes. Chris also reminded me of a name we both loved from a book my Mom got us before we thought we were having a girl.
When our room finally cleared out for the day and we were alone with our thoughts, Chris and I could be honest about our feelings and talk about everything we had gone through. Here's as much as I can explain... I spent almost 5 months planning for and building a little girl in my mind. We celebrated her with pink baby showers and a pink nursery. We dedicated ourselves so completely to the idea of having a daughter that when we found out this wasn't our future at all, we felt like we had lost someone. We cried together in mourning for the loss of our daughter. We cried over the joy of having a beautiful baby boy. We cried because nobody quite understood just how this strange little piece of misinformation had totally transformed our lives. We couldn't name him Logan. That name held a special place in our hearts for our little girl and it seemed like an injustice to ourselves and to him to give her name to our son.
This boy, this special little man that God decided we needed first, is Beckett Ashton Schneider.

Ashton was a name my sister found that means "a surprise blessing." How perfect.
We left the hospital on Friday and when we got home, there was a room in our house all done up for a little girl who never made it home with us. We took down the pink, we boxed up her clothes, and we grieved her again. There are still days and things that remind me of her and I can't help but cry. How can I miss someone I've never met? Better yet, someone who never really existed except in my mind. The best description I can come up with is that it feels as if we lost his twin sister. We are overjoyed with this precious new baby, but at the same time coping with the death of our ideas. Her wedding, doing her hair, playing dolls with her, is all being replaced with new dreams for our son. It takes time to fall in love with someone, and we spent a long time falling in love with Logan. Being able to hold Beckett is expediting the process, but we are falling in love with him as well.
The second night in the hospital, Beckett got the hiccups and it really opened my eyes. I felt those hiccups every day for 2 months. I loved feeling them grow stronger as I fell in love with the little miracle growing in my belly. It was his way of saying, "It's me, Mom!" The tears fell as I heard the sweet little sound that I had been imagining for so long.
Welcome home, Beckett, we love you so much and are so happy you are finally here!

What I know

2010-10-04T11:23:00.000-07:00

Dilated to 2 cm and totally effaced means exactly nothing to a baby so cozy inside my body

Every trick that everyone has ever come up with to "turn a breech baby"

The unseasonably warm weather is a huge blessing to my pillowy feet that wouldn't fit in anything other than flip flops

Bladders and babies don't share space well

My fairly comfortable pregnancy is really coming to a "I'd like to get this bag of bones out from between my pelvis and rib cage."

A clean, yummy smelling house is nice even if it didn't induce labor scrubbing every surface I could find

Thieves do not care if you are pregnant and frantic, they will steal your cell phone right in front of you anyway

Pumpkin Pie Blizzards will cure any less than desirable mood

It's been a whole year since my nephew Zeke was born and I can't imagine our lives without him

Stopping to get gas the week of your due date can quickly turn into vacuuming the entire thing, scrubbing down the inside, and running it through the car wash

Everything else is so insignificant when you're desperately waiting to meet your daughter for the first time

Well Hello, Bad Attitude, Nice to See You Again

2010-09-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was dubbed "defeated day."

I had roughly 4 hours of sleep, the rest of the night, I lie away coaxing my little one to spontaneously flip around and give me some peace of mind. I started imagining all the scary things that might be wrong with her and that's why she couldn't do it. I started thinking about how expensive those things will be and how will we afford that. My ridiculous and irrational mind was totally in control and it stole all my sleep and good attitude.

We had another Dr.'s appointment yesterday and that didn't even cheer me up. Usually I love talking to Dr. Ezell and bask in the whole pre-natal experience. I was quiet and grumpy and didn't want to be there. He checked me and said that I'm not effaced, but I am dilated 1 whole cm.

I went home, took a relaxing warm bath, watched the season finale of True Blood and got some much needed rest.

Today is much better attitude wise, but I can't help exploring all these negative and worrisome feelings. I was so positive and upbeat and the further I get with her in the wrong position, the more anxious, irritated, and defeated I feel. I'm pissed that I have done so much work to prepare myself on the most natural, comfortable, healthy birthing experience I can possibly offer and it won't do me an ounce of good if she stays this way. I have stayed active and healthy, and had such a comfortable pregnancy; all to be thrown out the window in a surgical birth. I know God is in control of this situation and maybe there is a reason for all of this we won't know until later or never at all; but this is my blog, so I get to complain when something pisses me off.

I am seeing the chiropractor, she is very encouraging and hopeful. I had acupuncture today. That was an interesting experience. We have some home exercises to do and that seems hopeful as well.

Hope. That's what I get to cling onto right now. Hope, and the desperate knowledge that I am doing everything I possibly can to give this little one the opportunity to turn and birth safely.

Adventures in Free Nail Care

2010-09-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

This may be difficult to understand, but I cannot see my feet. The "out of sight, out of mind" rule is really coming into play for me here.

While cleaning the house, and putting clothes away last week, I managed to run my toes over with the closet door. If I had a closet door that was not on a track, this might be a bit more alarming. My foot was on the track, I pulled the closet door right over the top of 2 middle toes. How I missed the pinkie toe, I will never know. I cried and melted into the floor. Chris found me, sopped up the blood with a tissue and wrapped a band-aid around them since I could not reach them to do so myself. Wearing sandals, there is relatively no pain, but since fall is coming I have had to squish them into some close toed shoes and that causes some throbbing.

About 2 days after that, I was bringing a box into work, and caught the door with my foot. My foot slipped off and I broke a toenail in half... on the other foot. I texted a picture to Chris and he told me it was about time to go on bed rest. I managed to stop the bleeding and glue the toenail back in place until I could come up with a better solution.

I talked my sister into hauling her nail care tower over on Saturday morning to fix my broken nail situation while my mom did my hair. (what a great morning, right?)

She rolled the Tower of Destruction, as I now call it, into the kitchen and we began discussing the future of pretty pink toes for the baby shower with little baby feet painted on them. Oh how exciting it all was! I haven't had a pedicure since June, and apparently my hair isn't the only thing growing.
She propped my feet up on a pillow and began inspecting her subjects. Broken, mangled, overgrown, and neglected subjects stared her in the face.

She took out her first weapon, the toe separator. Not the nice little spongy one that tickles a bit when it slides gently between the toes, no. This was the big jelly, spread your toes til you think the webbing between them is bleeding style. I grimaced as she went to place the pinkie toe in its appropriate slot. When she went for the toe that was recently attacked by the closet door I couldn't help but protest. No way in hell was my big fat broken toe fitting in that thing. Can I just have the old fashioned kind that make your job harder, but keep my tears at bay?? She obliged, but not without complaint.

Toes are now separated and the clipping ensues. She inquires about how I could have possibly put these nails in any close toed shoes that didn't resemble clown shoes. Not sure how, but I know it was uncomfortable. A nail clipping flies up onto the table and into her water glass, 1 point to Jenn.
Toes are clipped and she pulls out the dremel tool to file. Yes, dremel tool. This is a fine woodworking instrument that spins a file a million times faster than any little Vietnamese could ever dream of doing by hand. I have always hated this tool. AHA! Battery is dead. 1 point to Jenn.

She plugs it in and decides to start putting the acrylic layer over my broken toenail. This part was actually painless. It went right over the top of the broken nail and sealed it in place so it wouldn't hurt anymore.
The whole time she's working, we are discussing her reproductive challenges and the hilarious escapades of ovulation tests and husbands who don't really understand the magical properties of procreating. HYSTERICAL.

She breaks out the old fashioned file and starts shaping my now normal length toenails. Side to side filing is my preference, and I'm pretty sure the entire world would agree. She complained that the file she had was too big and it would hit my other toes going side to side so she proceeded to go back and forth while I fidgeted and whined. She would occasionally grab the broken toe and bring tears to my eyes. 75 points to Bozz.

Now the fun part. She takes the little metal tool with the v-shaped knife for cutting cuticles out. I am yapping on about something unimportant as she hacks away my cuticles. She gets to the big toe on the broken toe foot and my voice must have reflected the pain, but it didn't phase my little worker bee. When she got to the other foot, I looked at my big toe just in time to see the blood pooling up at the base of my nail. She quickly grabbed it and applied pressure to stop the bleeding. ouch. This wasn't working, so she pulled out another jar of clear liquid and put it on a Q-tip then on my toe. OUCH. I screamed and told her to blow on it, and she was laughing so hard, my toe only got a shower, and no air. It was supposed to be some PH balancer, but I'm positive it was a blood thinner because yet again, still bleeding. She reaches for a lotion looking substance and starts rubbing that into the trench. It burns less than the alcohol, but not bad enough to to try to escape the gorilla grip she now had on my toe. I asked what chemical we were applying this time and she responded, "cuticle softener." You mean to tell me that we had a smooth lotion-y substance this whole time that would soften the said enemy into submission without brutality and blood!?? 137 points to Bozz.

The bleeding stopped, a calm came over the land and we eventually finished up with some good belly laughs and a few jokes about the nail salon my sister will someday open called Bozz's House of Pain.

cute chubby toes. Thanks, Bozz!!

You're Getting Very Very Sleepy

2010-09-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

So... Hypnobirthing.
I read the book, I wanted to become a practitioner, and now I get to use the method for myself!

A practitioner plopped into my lap at the end of June and I just love her. Her name is Amber Icopini and she's from Hysham. She is this tiny little ray of sunshine who encourages me and can't wait to see me use the same method she fell in love with while birthing her daughter almost 2 years ago. She has 1 other mom with my due date(we are her first students), but that mom is having twins, so she'll have them before me. I can't wait to hear that birth story!

We only have 1 class left and I'm excited to share that I am, in fact, ready to do this. We have learned so much about what my body was made to do to birth my child gently and without pain or medication. Did you know that your body releases endorphins that are 200 times stronger than morphine? Did you know that those endorphins will only work if you are calm, relaxed, and trusting in your body? Did you know that babies can be born anywhere between 38 and 42 weeks, and a due date is just the average of those dates? A whole month of un-plannable waiting for lil miss to come meet us is going to be a challenge, but I am up for it!

Chris has experienced this whole "self hypnosis" and I think he's a little jealous... Every time we practice, it reaffirms why I know this is the best plan for us and I'm so excited to provide my little girl with a calm loving environment as she takes her first breaths.

On that note, we had a class at Off the Leaf last night, and it was just Chris, Amber, and myself. We were in one of the little meeting rooms and we watched a couple births from Amber's dvds. I love watching the Hypnobirths, but I found myself quite uncomfortable as I thought about the people in the lobby at the coffee shop watching us watching these videos of naked women in big ol' tubs of water while they sipped their schmancy lattes. AWKWARD. I wanted to tape an explanation to the door, I wanted to keep turning around to see if anyone was even paying attention, I was really freakin' out. Oh well, nobody knocked on the door and told us we were going to hell for displaying some rather large nipples on that LCD Tv, so I guess, no harm, no foul.

For your last year as a twenty something...

2010-08-25T09:40:00.000-07:00

He's the handsomest man I've ever laid eyes on
He's the best purse holder in a pinch
He came with his own set of tools (real ones, in a big red toolbox!)
He obsessively uses windshield washer fluid and always seems to run out while I'm in the car
He has the largest shoulders to carry my worries and the softest shoulders to comfort my cries
He lets me control the radio
He works a job he doesn't like to provide for his family
He lets me correct his grammar publicly
He pulls the blankets up over my shoulders in the cold mornings
He values relationships and maintains them well
He's terrible about putting away his clothes, but always keeps the bathroom clean
He is an excellent teacher
He also remains teachable
He loves fly fishing, but never lets it interfere with our priorities
He will be the best father I can imagine to our little girl
He is my breath, my life, my best friend, my protector, my cheerleader, my Husband

Chris, I love you and hope you had a wonderful birthday!

Pregnant Women are Horny

2010-07-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

I am pre-apologizing to my family for this post. I've been mulling it around in my head for a week or so, and I just can't help it. I've got something to say, Dammit.

Some call it the honeymoon stage. Some call it the second trimester. Women who have been pregnant will tell you it's the best time. Everywhere I go there is a wandering eye of the guy with either little kids in tow, or pictures of them in his wallet. They know the secret. Most of them wear a wedding ring.

Now, I'm not going to brag, but I've had my fair share of eye-f*@ks. Although, they've been mysteriously absent since I met this wonderful boy and married him. I must give off an "I'm deliriously happy, I don't need you" vibe. Anyway, I'm no stranger to the across the room check out, and wouldn't you know it, at about 25 weeks and obviously pregnant began to spread across my abdomen... the wandering eye from the men returns.

It's not the young guys who are on the prowl for the over-made-up and under-dressed. It's like a big fat secret for men who have been in that close personal relationship with a woman who is blossoming into a mother and surging with extra hormones and 30% more blood. She's glowing, she's proud of her body and the babe that grows inside. And what can I say, he reaps the benefits!

God's a smart guy. He knew that he had to do something to balance out the craziness of pregnancy and entice the couple to go through this part all over again. I suppose the actual child does that too, but since we don't know that joy yet, we get to look forward to this part again. So, here's to swelling bellies everywhere and the men who love them.

Wherein I Become Famous

2010-07-06T21:26:00.000-07:00

I knew it could be done. I just knew it.

Yes, I'll take that Nobel Peace Prize now, and tell Regis and Kelly to call my people I'd love to be on their show.

What's that you ask? What did I do? Well, I just retitled the 93rd Edition of What to Expect When You're Expecting. It's way too long and hard to spit out. So I retitled it and put it in every high school girl's bathroom in the nation and the teen pregnancy rate dropped by 100,000%!!!! Ok, I know you can't have 100,000%, but you get the idea. Oh, you want to know what I retitled it??

Heartburn, Hemorrhoids, and Hysterics

Apparently the writers of the book want to give me a lot of money now.
Right, I'm not rich, I'm not famous, and I haven't helped young women all over the world from saving themselves for at least a time when someone has pledged their undying faithfulness to her so she can verbally abuse him for the 40 weeks of pregnancy.

Did you drive by my house last night because you smelled something burning? You should have. No, it was not the delicious meal I prepared regardless of my condition. That searing smell of burning flesh was actually my esophagus and the deterioration of my throat due to stomach acids. It lasted roughly 6 hours. What stopped the madness you ask? Spicy chicken enchiladas. Go figure.

I won't even go over the second subject in the title mostly because it's God-Awful embarrassing, but also because I shouldn't have to give you any more detail that makes you feel bad for me.

Hysterics are fun. The world might end because the retarded dog spilled my iced tea. You should have known that it was Tuesday and Tuesdays are the perfect days to surprise me with flowers just because you love me. Yes, I am being bitchy and sarcastic to you, but if you even think about making fun of me or doing it back I'm going to cry for 2 hours and stew about how rotten you are.

I should mention that I don't hate being pregnant. In fact, ever since I kicked the urge to hork all day, it's been quite pleasant. I'm just feeling a little spunky today, so I thought I'd share my thoughts and maybe some belly pictures.
Enjoy!

These were taken on July 1st, and I was 26 weeks, pregnant. The last week of the 2nd trimester :)

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Gophers

2010-07-05T17:08:00.000-07:00

What do good Montana girls do on the 4th of July??
Slaughtering gophers atop 4 wheelers in the mountains sounds good to me! We talked my parents into parlaying the reunion at the Battleridge Campground to some gopher hunting on 4 wheelers.

My parents on their killing machine.

It was a little chilly up in the mountains and the grass was a little too long to see the little buggers, but we certainly made due with a view like this.

We finished attempting to murder the gophers and decided to take a little trail ride. It was fun and refreshing to bound through the trees and enjoy the view along with the fresh air.
I couldn't help but think this was the best possible way to spend an Independence Day. We exercised our right to bear arms and took advantage of this beautiful state of ours.

Just a Wednesday update

2010-06-30T17:05:00.000-07:00

As promised, this is the picture of the hole in the dog house, funny.

Also, I have discovered that at 25 weeks pregnant, (end of 6 months, Janelle) people start boldly proclaiming or asking questions about your pregnant belly.

Gas station attendant: How much longer you got?
Customer: In your condition, I would be taking naps all day on all these beds...
Acquaintances(not well known friends): AAAHHHHH!!!! (and rub your belly)
Co-workers who haven't seen you in a week: Holy crap, you popped!

One of the funniest things to me is how many people are referring to it as my "condition." Do they think this is a safer bet if they are wrong and I'm not really prego? It always makes me smile.
Chris saw her move and bounce my tummy around for the first time today. She is quite active and I'm enjoying most of it. I will post later about our anniversary weekend!

So far, not too bad.

2010-06-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

The damage to our cars really is brutal. Chris' windshield practically fell on his lap as he pulled into the glass shop. We both have appointments with adjustors and will see how it all plays out.

Our roof got pretty beat up and the other insurance people will be out to look at that. I have some pictures of the holes in the rain gutter and the dog house, it's pretty crazy.

All in all, we were very lucky. We probably had water in our crawlspace, but no big deal.

We had a Dr.'s appt yesterday and everything is great! He said, "This baby's really growing! That's what we like to see." Next visit I take the glucose tolerance test to see if I need to be tested for gestational diabetes and I get my shot because I'm RH Negative. He explained this a little better this time than he did the first time. The shot is like an immunization because my body could expel the baby as if she were an infection if the baby has an RH Positive blood type. This will also help with my next pregnancy so my body won't do the same thing.

We talked about already having done the baby classes and that he prefers St. Vincent's, which Chris and I are both very comfortable with. Their remodeling is done and we're very familiar with those surroundings.

I am hopefully meeting with a Hypno-Birthing instructor today! Nancy(the yoga lady) called me yesterday and said she was meeting with the gal and wanted me to meet with her as well to see if the method is on the level with what they do in yoga. I have read the book several times and am planning to use the method for birth, but am very excited to meet with a certified instructor and someone who has experienced it herself.

I'm nervous about getting everything I want done in time. I'm nervous about finances and being able to stay home with her. I'm nervous about our dogs behaving and not tripping me as I continue to lose my center of gravity. My friend Karen told me right away that it's, "completely normal to feel completely out of control and not like yourself." Best piece of advice yet. As I look in the mirror at this person who is rounding out and stretching the limits of cottons' elasticity, I can't believe this has all happened so fast.

You're tall enough to be a weather girl!

2010-06-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

So there was a tornado in Billings.
We were sitting in our house watching TV with my parents and the rain started to fall.
And fall and fall and fall. Then the hail came, and the lightening. Then the tornado sirens started to cry. As we laughed and took pictures of the craziness, the roof was being ripped off the Metra and leveling buildings just a few hundred yards from our house.
It got slightly more serious as our garage flooded and then our yard and then the windshield on Chris' car broke and we could see the dents on our cars that are not so subtle.
Here are a few photos...

Our cars are toast.

The actual tornado.

The river through our street.

The sasquatch walk through the lake.

The water that is flooding our garage.
Hail makes money, it makes insurance companies pay for repairs and "stimulates" economies, so I guess I'm glad we are all paid up. We will further assess the damage and I'll let you know!!

4:05 Comes Around Twice a Day

2010-06-11T16:08:00.000-07:00

My alarm came alive at the perfect moment to take me away from a terrible dream. Wait. Terrible/creepy/horror film worthy dream or being upright at a time of day that involves the number 4 and the letters am... I might take the bad dream in retrospect.

Sadly, once you are awake and have to drive any distance in these wee hours, you lose your sleepiness until just before you reach your destination 4 hours away. I didn't really sleep on the way to Canyon Ferry, in fact I enjoyed Step Brothers on an Ipod, which is also a testament to my sleepiness because I normally don't carry any affection for those types of movies. "Did we just become best friends!?"

Following my sleepless morning was a board meeting for the Montana Bowhunter's Association. It started at 10am and got done at 4:30pm. I have never sat in a less padded seat for a longer period of time. My varicose veins are not going to appreciate that, but I didn't have a lot of choice. The meeting was fine, my first in this line of duty. I am now sitting in the dimly lit O'Malley's bar waiting for my family to show up.

To recap this post:

L O N G day
Opinionated men
Fidgety baby
More caffeine than I normally have, but not enough to feel human again
Did I mention they are all drinking frothy ice cold looking beer??

I guess I get to keep those girly onesies I got at Gymboree!

2010-05-26T13:08:00.000-07:00

I didn't feel like the pictures we got this time were as good, but the experience was amazing.

This is her face and belly. He said her brain looks good, heart is perfect, and spine is perfect. From everything we can see, she is going to be a perfectly healthy little girl.

And he said this is now he knew she was a girl. The arrow points to a "crease" and that means girl.

We saw all the limbs, her feet are 4 cm long!

The weirdest part was probably finding out that I was right all along. I had a feeling it was a girl, but I've always wanted a girl, so I didn't know if I was right or it was projection. Maybe a little bit of both.

There are so many boys around, it will be nice to have a little girl to keep those boys in line since Riley is gone to California and Ella only visits. Yes, we have talked about names. I feel so weird sharing them. I guess, I get annoyed with the women who have their babies named and everything before they're born. I still think we need to see her before it's official, but we love the name Logan May and are pretty sure that's what she'll be. So, don't steal it!!

This was also the first time Chris's mom had seen an ultrasound. The room was full of tears as we watched this little miracle squirm as he pushed harder and harder on my abdomen. I am feeling her move now and it's indescribable. Knowing that this little girl is ours to love and cherish for the rest of our lives is so exciting and we can't wait to meet her!

Schneitus gets a gender!

2010-05-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

I always said I didn't want to find out the sex of the baby I was carrying. I said I was afraid it would cause us to start building this little person in our minds and attach all sorts of expectations and hopes to someone we hadn't even met.

We have decided to find out what we are having, and today is the day. It doesn't really matter what the sex is, I am finding that we attach those hopes no matter what; but decorating and nesting will be easier knowing whether to buy pink or green. My calm demeanor this morning is comforting and annoying at the same time.

I feel like I should be bouncing off the walls, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited. I think I'm also a little scared and nervous. Every day it becomes a little more real as my belly hangs further over my jeans and I feel little flutters of movement.

We leave in about 30 minutes... I will let you know!

No, I was in a coma this morning, Thank you very much.

2010-05-18T16:36:00.000-07:00

I wanted to update my blog this morning, but I'm afraid if I had, you all would have "un-followed" due to the rapid fire of curse words and having to sort through my hysterical bullshit like a game of hop-scotch.

I had a shitty morning.

You would think it would have been great because I got to sleep in an extra half hour, got to stop at the bank like I needed, and even got a bagel and schmear. BUT NO! I felt like an ocean pier being slapped in the face with waves of emotions and hormones that I HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

I just wanted to feel like myself. I just wanted my car back. I just wanted Chris's brother to not be a moron. I just wanted my house to be clean. I just wanted my baby room perfectly decorated and paid for. I just wanted someone at work to figure out whats wrong with the damn computer by themselves for once.

WHY IS THIS SO HARD, PEOPLE? Yes, I was yelling, I'm sorry.

I'm better now. I don't know if it was the Diet Coke I got on my way back from lunch, or the fact that I tried avoiding eye contact and/or talking to anyone til about 3 o'clock; but I'm kind of back. Thank you for not dumping me off the rims because I'm certain this will not be the last time that "Jenn the Prego" takes over my body and sends frightened people running through the streets of Billings.

Can I, can I, please have these???

2010-05-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

Because I don't know the gender of my mango right now, I daydream of these things...

Couture Giraffe baby booties

The Tummy Tub

The Giraffe Teething ring made of Organic wood(how could wood not be organic?)

The Fortune cookie baby booties with personalized fortunes!

These aren't for the baby, but aren't they funny?!

This might be my favorite thing. It's called a Wubbanub.

I have so much to do in my house to get ready for this baby, and now that I'm feeling little fluttery movements and kicks, I'm really excited to get everything ready.

A Smattering of Thoughts

2010-05-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

1) The biggest difference in the way drunk people act as opposed to sober ones is the blatant disregard for personal safety and/or space. ie. Holly and Karen dancing at Chico or Holly, Karen, and Aubyn doing a triple piggy back ride in a bar.

2) A dare is a powerful tool, use it wisely. For example: Dare Aubyn to break open the bottle pinata hanging in the bar. hehe.

3) Alcohol is an excellent hip lubricator. I could not get my groove on without it. Maybe I will stick to country dancing as a sober person.

4) Chris may have an opportunity at another job within his company. A job he is MUCH more excited about and I am excited for that.

5) I am a feisty little prego. I have been much nicer to customers since my morning sickness has passed, but have adopted a very assertive and "I'm right, so get over it" attitude. Some people love it and some haven't decided.

6) I am cutting my hair back off. I don't know what I was thinking trying to grow it out.

7) What can you do for your first anniversary?? I need something you can do 6 months pregnant and not too expensive.

8) My new favorite latte(I got to go back to lattes for the milk, yay!) is vanilla and pistachio. yum.

9) My pre-natal yoga class is amazing. I have always loved yoga, but when someone is so attentive to your pregnant body, it's like having an hour and a half therapy session and back rub.

10) I am so lucky to have an amazing husband, the best friends EVER, parents, a sister, and in-laws that are just fantastic, and life is just good.

No guacamole for me, thanks

2010-04-20T11:27:00.000-07:00

Second "Getting Ready for Baby" class was last night. Chris had dinner on the table when I got home (WOW!), we ate and hurried down to resume our front row seat and all the knowledge we could about what we have gotten ourselves into.

I peeked at my blog yesterday to see what size fruit/vegetable the baby would be this week. The calendar is always a couple days ahead of what my dr. says and it's fun to equate the size to my friends. Avacado, huh? Of course, you always try and picture the median size of the fruit, not the largest or smallest and wrap your brain around swallowing that fruit whole and that's why your jeans won't button.

Anyway, the point of this story was actually that I think these baby classes are putting more stress on me than necessary. The nice man was in the middle of explaining the differences in car seats, how they attach to most new cars, and as soon as he mentioned putting a 6 or 7 pound baby in that infant carrier it smacked me in the face and ran out of the room laughing. That piece of fruit I keep imagining is going to start squirming around soon and I will feel it, then it will come out of my vagina and I will put it in a baby carrier and take it home.

I will have a son or daughter. I looked at Chris and said, "I'm pregnant." He thought I was joking and laughed until he saw the tears in my eyes. I stuffed my sweatshirt sleeves in my tear ducts and pulled myself together. I stifled the panic attack with some deep breathing and relxation techniques that I've been learning. Something about picturing that tiny little baby in the infant carrier hit me in the most real way that I've thought about this so far. I'm not scared, I'm not nervous, but why would the car seat class make me realize how drastically different our lives are about to become?

I went home and took out the car seats we have, took them apart to figure out how they worked, washed some covers and went to bed feeling a little bit closer to my avacado.

Stereotypes are made of these...

2010-04-17T09:39:00.000-07:00

Janelle asked who would like to see the Indigo Girls with her in April. I responded quickly and enthusiastically to the calling and last night in a culmination of what was the epitomy of what a concert put on by a lesbian duo should be.

Janelle and I sat in the back in the only full row of people, and boy was it interesting. I even mentioned at one point I would've paid the $45 dollars just to go people watching. We quickly made friends with the "women" around us and were even cheered on when we rushed the stage to dance with the crowd. I knew none of the songs, but swayed and clapped with the best of them. I was very pleased with he simplicity of the performance and really really enjoyed myself.

Of course, spending a warming spring evening with my bestie was a much needed escape, and I appreciated the giggles induced by our clever conversation. I even mentioned that I knew my child couldn't officially hear what was going on, but if I was carrying a boy and he someday told me he had an attraction to women who looked like men, I would call "aunt Janelle" and she would burn him some I.G. cd's and explain the woeful scene in which her and I exposed him to this lifestyle in the womb.

The opening act was a delightfully funny Lucy Roche

She said she was losing her voice, but sang beautifully and entertained the crowd with her quirky personality and funny stories about a date in an emergency room and being on the road for 3 years. We were able to procure some of her cd's and I'm excited to expose my ears to this new genre of music.

Although I won't be wearing socks with Birkenstocks, plaid button up shirts, plaid anything for that matter, thumb rings, cut off t-shirts, a just plain bad haircut, or pants that are tapered or too short; I WILL walk away with some new songs on my ipod and a new experience in my life that I will treasure for always.

Catching up

2010-04-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

I will try to keep this as concise as possible, but there is so much to tell because I have been absent for so loooonnnnnggggg.
Chris and I have been trying to get out and go fishing on the weekends as much as possible. It's great exercise and I think it refreshes his soul.
We have lots of birthdays in the family in the first week of April, including my dad's 50th, so there was a great party to celebrate that. My mom and brother in law didn't have milestone birthday's so we celebrated at Rib and Chop house(I love the fringe benefits Chris and I get from having relatives with birthdays).
We got our taxes done professionally, and didn't get any more money back, but have some good plans for going forward.
I was asked by the Montana Bowhunter's Association if I wanted the job of treasurer. I did want it, I applied for it last year and when the person they chose didn't work out, they asked again. Another candidate was interested as well, and it went to a vote. I WON. This is a big deal, considering I lost an election in high school and therefore become quite nervous about public opinion of myself. My reputation must preceed me(or my dad's) and I won by a landslide. I was given the 20 some boxes of files and paperwork, a computer, printer, and a checkbook, and away we go! I have lots of organization to catch up on because it apparently hasn't been done for about a decade. This is a bit overwhelming considering my "evening sickness" has greatly affected the amount of housework I've been doing. Meaning, my house is a disaster, and now there's file boxes plopped in the middle of it for me to stare at from the couch as Chris rubs my feet some more.
Last Friday I came down with the worst flu I have ever had in my peeny little life. My mom has even verified that statement. Sick as a dog. Good ab work out, and I'm pretty sure I lost whatever fat was left in my butt because eating sounded gross for 3 days. So, that was fun.
My favorite story:
Monday night, I got home from work, threw my husband in the car, drove to Wendy's for a spicy chicken fillet(I have a lot of these lately) and then parked in front of the Mansfield Education Center at Saint Vincent's hospital. Some friends we know parked behind us, in a fortuitous meeting because I wasn't entirely sure where we were going, but I was sure that her protruding prego belly would get someone to offer their help. We got to the classroom after I lead us astray and it was quite full already and we were earlier than I ever am and quite comfortable for Chris. A familiar face lead the class. She has been a labor and delivery nurse for 30 years and my little sister dated her middle son. She is straight forward, honest, and reassuring. She wanted to know all the names and how far along all of the mommies were in the largest class they've ever had. We talked about introducing baby to the dogs in your house, took a quiz on our dogs, and they got a "D." Maybe we'll use the 10% off private training that he handed out. We also saw a movie from the 90's that used fiber optic cameras to film the developing embryo and fetus. Incredible to see the changes and miraculous beginnings. We then watched 2 graphic births. I have never seen a birth. My sister's son was going to be my first, and I lost that experience due to the c section. Chris kept looking at me with a nervous smile and I couldn't tell if he was totally grossed out, scared, or just plain not sure how he was supposed to react to all this. He later told me he was glad we were going to these, I can't imagine seeing that face he made for the first time at OUR birth.
I will let you go, I've gone on long enough. I'll update more often, I promise!

Against All Odds

2010-03-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

I feel fantastic today.
To let you know how unique that statement is, see the posts previous to this one, or just talk to me. Also, it is Wednesday, and I never feel like having any human contact on Wednesdays.
In fact, Chris once suggested that I get a membership to Planet Beach so I could get a massage every Wednesday before coming home so I would be in a better mood. I work at the "island" store all by myself (don't tell my stalkers) and get a smaller amount of human contact and therefore forget how to be nice.
Couple that with my constant nausea and fatigue and there is a disasterous combo.
HOWEVER, I have been feeling on top of the world today. Like a Frank Sinatra song, like butterflies on a first date, like myself.
Our appointment with Dr. Ezell on Monday went very well. He made fun of me for having a low producing thyroid which should prohibit pregnancy and told me it was ok to feed the little guy, since I haven't gained any weight(not sure how that's possible). We had an unplanned ultrasound because he was having trouble finding the heartbeat and it was incredible to see the little one swimming and squirming around without feeling it at all. It actually looks like a baby now and the tears of joy were flowing.
Speaking of flowing tears... we went fishing on Sunday with some good friends and on the way down we passed a farm with some sheep. These sheep had little baby lambs in the pen with them that I barely caught a glimpse of and squealed with delight. On the way back, I made Chris slow way down so I could oogle them. I was speaking incoherantly in coos and squeals at the little lambs when Chris asked if he should stop and ask if we could see them. I looked at him with pools of tears in my eyes and he quickly realized that no farmer would let his lunatic of a wife near those new little beings and kept driving. Which is probably a good call and I lived.

It's a Miracle!

2010-03-11T17:42:00.000-08:00

I got ready for work as usual today, in a hurry.
I put the dogs outside and grabbed my purse. I looked in my purse and saw my sunglasses. I started to take them out because I hadn't put my contacts in, so I wouldn't be able to wear them. I suddenly realized that I had no problem seeing anything this morning and I hadn't put my glasses on either.
I looked around my house to check my vision one more time. I can see EVERYTHING.
I hopped in my car and put my glasses on my head in case something changed back. I drove my usual route to work on top of the rims and each sign I passed, I examined closely; looking for those familiar blurry edges at certain distances. NOT THERE.
I began to panic. I know hormones can do weird things to your body, but correcting your vision overnight is a little overwhelming. I looked at my phone and considered calling my eye doctor right away to see if I should be worried. I slipped my glasses on to see if it would improve my seemingly perfect vision. Everything got smaller and distorted.
I parked at work and walked in a little dumbfounded. I told Lacey my story and she said pregnancy hormones do weird things and I must be getting a lucky break!
I walked around work still stunned at what was happening. I looked in the mirror to see if my eyes looked any different and then I noticed it. The thin blue line around my eyes indicating my contacts were still in. I must have forgotten to take them out last night, and they didn't stick at all when I woke up this morning so it never crossed my mind that I could have done that. I'm really going crazy.

Not me. I Will Be Different.

2010-03-10T09:58:00.000-08:00

I will be one of the lucky ones and not have morning sickness. WRONG.
I will not have any problems with my digestive system, I never have before. WRONG.
I am a calm rational person, I will not let my emotions get out of control. WRONG.
I will still eat healthy, food cravings just take a little willpower. WRONG.

It's funny isn't it? This idea you carry about yourself and how you will respond in certain situations. When you are terribly ill and the smell of just about everything makes the animal crackers rise in your esophagus and the only thing that could potentially make you feel better is Velveeta or peanut butter, you do it. It's not willpower or control, it's survival.
I just wanted some pictures of the progress of my body changing. I felt fat and ugly and scared and it lead to hysterical inconsolable crying. Even if he could've read my mind, he wouldn't have known what to do because I didn't know what to do.
You can't help but question yourself. Was I ready for this? I have a book that tells me what to expect for the next 7 months, but not for the next 18 years. I can't stop my dog from jumping up on me or digging up sprinkler heads, how am I going to teach a human morality and surivival?
Granted, I have a much better start than most women out there who are embarking on the same journey, only they don't have an amazing supportive husband, a good job, a home that they own, or 2 incredibly anxious grandmothers who live 10 minutes away.

It's a crazy thing to grow up, and I have a feeling the idea never gets familiar.

Reeping and Sowing

2010-02-18T11:04:00.000-08:00

Our Valentine's weekend was very hectic, with the Switzer's leaving, my mom's annual fancy dinner, and babysitting. Chris and I decided to pretend like it wasn't Valentine's Day at all and have our holiday this weekend because I have it off, flowers are cheaper, and restaraunts are less crowded.
We had one small slip up. We chose to see the move Valentine's Day on Sunday afternoon. There was a 1:10 showing and a 2:00. We got there at about 1:00, so I asked the pubescent boy selling tickets if the 1:10 showing was full because we would simply wait for the 2:00. He said no, and rang up our 2 tickets.
We got in line for popcorn because a)We had a coupon for 2 whole dollars off! b)I always say I don't want it, but then I smell it and c)The Blueberry wanted some Sprite too. We got in the slowest moving line because that's just how the world works. As the line piled up behind us, I noticed 2 young boys who came up alongside the line, not IN the line. There was a nice old man behind us and I looked at him as if to ask, "Are they with you??" He gave no indication or body language indicating he knew the boys. Chris went to the bathroom and the line crept long. The boys moved along with it next to the old man behind us. I hate line cutters. It makes me so angry. I don't know what wiring in my brain makes me so hateful toward people who expect service and yummy treats but aren't willing to wait like everyone else. Chris came back from the bathroom and there was only 1 person in front of us. The boys weren't going to cut in front of my husband who was like 3 times the size of them; they were going to cut off the little old man behind us. My heart was pounding, I was so irritated. I had Chris step beside the old man to block the boys out, and as it became our turn at the goodie counter, I insisted the old man behind us go first. He seemed alarmed and very grateful. He got his tasty golden popcorn, and just before we stepped up to order, they filled the container with wonderfully fresh popcorn! We got a piping hot fresh bag of popcorn AND the satisfaction of blocking the 2 pip-squeaks from cutting off an old man.
Oh wait, I'm not done yet.
Reeling from my satisfaction with our good deeed, we proceeded into the theater that we were about 20 minutes late for. THE JAM PACKED THEATER. I see a 2 seats together and ask the people surrounding if they are saved, and of course, they are. I make a pouty face, take a piece of fresh tasty popcorn and tell Chris we should go ask if we can go to the 2:00 since there aren't seats together. We walk back out to the ticket taker, and a couple ahead of us is asking him the same question. He tells them to go trade in their tickets and that will be fine. I'm just about to say the same thing, and a lady walks up behind us and asks if we were looking for 2 seats together. "OMG. Why yes, we were." She proceeds to tell us she and her husband can move down to give us their seats.
Who does that??!!! I was shocked and impressed with her thoughtfulness, and that she would follow us out into the lobby to tell us!
Valentine's Day was an adorable movie, and I left the theater with all sorts of warm fuzzies. What a good Sunday, I can't wait for this weekend's version of my favorite holiday.

Waffle sauce!

2010-02-10T10:58:00.000-08:00

Our story begins on Christmas day. Chris and I were driving home from a wonderful and happy day with our families. We were talking about last Christmas and how exciting it was to start planning a wedding and begin our lives together. We have agreed for a long time to not start trying(or stop preventing) to have kids until Chris's job became more permanent. Something about that drive home changed our hearts; we decided to pull the goalie and see what God had planned for us.
Apparently, God has lots of faith in the Billings job market because I AM PREGNANT!!
To explain the title of this post, another story begins. I wanted to challenge my clever friends and tell them in a fun and interesting way. I had Janelle, Aubyn, and Kailee over to my parents' house on Superbowl. The items I brought were Eggo waffles and Prego spaghetti sauce. I placed them on the table and waited. Everone walked by them, but didn't say a thing. At half time,Chris was dying for me to make it more obvious. I asked them if they wanted to play charades and took them downstairs. Janelle and Aubyn promptly followed and stood in the kitchen wondering what was wrong with me. I told them they had to guess what I brought to the party. Aubyn was sad that she showed up late and didn't know. I pointed out the items on the table and Janelle triumphantly yelled, "waffle sauce!" Aubyn, in true game expert fashion, began saying the words aloud to straighten out this business. After a few combinations of Eggo, Prego, Prego, Eggo, "Holy crap, your eggo is prego!" They got it. Jumping, hugs, and a few slaps on the butt from Janelle brought Kailee downstairs to see what she had missed. She was a little more stunned than the other 2, but still enthusiastic. Karen couldn't be there because she had to fly to Seattle for her cousin, Todd. After texting her the picture of the items, she replied, "That game isn't Spagaffle" and then quickly called to congratulate us.
I'm only 6 weeks, so it's still very early, but I can't imagine holding this news in any longer than we did. I have an appointment on the 22nd and will have a better update then. The internet calculator said I'm due Oct 3rd, which is Mimi's birthday! It's also 6 days before my nephew's first birthday, so that's kind of crazy.
For now, just pray for our health and for Chris to get a fabulous job that he loves and provides a fabulous income!

Defining Moments

2010-01-27T10:15:00.000-08:00

When I think of my friends and family, there is usually an overwhelming theme to their lives. Something is governing their thinking and actions. Sometimes you can't put a finger on it, but it flows through them and into everything they touch.
Janelle and I agreed a long time ago that we would do the eulogy for eachother at our funerals, whomever passed first. After attending a funeral for someone recently, I think we should have living eulogies for our friends and say all the good things we want while we have them by our side.
The painstaking truth is that these bodies are temporary and I will inevitably attend many more funerals. YUCK.
As I pondered this living eulogy idea, I began to realize that many of the people I know have a "defining moment" that rises out of their personality and casts shadow over their decisions and attitudes. It is so difficult to look at yourself this way. I cannot imagine what my defining moments are/were/will be and struggle to look at myself objectively. I'm sure this is the case for lots of people, so I want to bless some people with my praise and view of their lives and I would encourage you to do the same.

Trying to See Blue Sky

2010-01-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

I got a yucky phone call last week.
Chris called to tell me they were sending him to Williston. My first thought was, "permanently?!?" Thank God, the answer to that was "no."
He has been doing special projects and using his mathematical brain to help the company out in many ways, but he doesn't officially have a job title. In fact, his position is hanging on by a thread. The GREAT news is that his company values him and wants him around, so he's hanging in.
In an effort to keep him busy, they put him at the rental store this summer when it was really busy to help get the service department back on their feet and get machines back out on rent. He did SO WELL, that they want him to do this in other rental stores now... They want him in Williston for 3 weeks starting the 2nd week of February. Then he'll be off to other rental stores in Bozeman, Helena, and Great Falls. The systems that he is putting in place are brilliant and he is so good at managing people.
As we were discussing what they want him to do, he was really excited because even though this isn't a permanent position, it will keep him busy and in a job until something "real" opens up. In fact, they said they would keep him doing this for as long as he needs it to.
Insert my bad attitude: So they are taking a management trainee; someone who has just learned all aspects of this business and should be ready to put in a position making twice what he does now, and having him use all those talents and training, but paying him as a trainee. This job is a large undertaking and requires all the skill and knowledge that Chris has, but is even further benefiting this company because they are paying him as much as a receptionist would make. I know it's a poor attitude, but I feel its so unfair. He has worked his butt off and will work his butt off, and I hope they see that and reward him appropriately.
Now try the good attitude: HE HAS A JOB! A job at a heavy equipment company who is suffering greatly in this economic situation. We have health insurance. He enjoys what he is doing, even if it takes him away from me for a while.
Pray for me to put on the good attitude every morning and be thankful for everything we have, and lean on the people around me who love me while he's gone.

I sound more and more like my mother every year, "Oh,how fast the time goes!"

2010-01-01T13:55:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe all of the happenings in 2009. What a year! Last new year I was muzzling the urge to buy every overpriced bridal magazine on the shelves at Barnes and Noble and getting used to a my ring finger being weighed down.

Right after we got engaged Christmas 08

We found out on Valentine's Day that my sister and her husband were expecting their first child after trying and fighting infertility for 3 years.

Chris and I got to take a getaway to this fabulous bed and breakfast before he had to go to Seattle for a month as part of his management training.

We bought a house and put my Mom to work repainting the whole thing.

We closed on the house in March while Chris was back and forth from Seattle and barely got it finished before my parents left for Hawaii for 18 days!

I had to say goodbye to my saint bernard Murphy while my parents were in Hawaii, he was 11 years old and just couldn't do it anymore. He will always be missed.

Kayla and Tyler got married in May and our own wedding planning was quickly moving along.

Aubyn threw me a beautiful simple bridal shower. It was a wonderful time and someone even got a snuggie out of the deal.

My girls are everything to me. They have been such a huge part of this year and I love them so.

June 27th was the best day of our lives so far. We had the perfect wedding day followed with an amazing honeymoon in Mexico.

We came back a little browner and ready to set up house and get on with life.

Chris finished management training and was kept on for special projects. We took my golden retriever Daisy to our house and realized she needed a friend, so Winnie joined our family.

She is proving a difficult child, but loving. She hogs the bed, snores, drools, and doesn't understand personal space; but has given Daisy the exercise she needed to lose some weight and get her hips moving well again.

We found out that Bozz was having a boy and had a baby shower for them in September. We celebrated birthdays in August and September and Bozz's due date in October quickly approached. She was finally induced on Friday, October 9th and brought Zeke into our lives.

Chris and I put in a lot of hunting time this year. We chased some elk in West Yellowstone over my birthday in September and spent many mornings and evenings in tree stands in October. Chris learned a little about distance and a little more about patience. I finally had a shot on a nice little buck on the last day and was able to recover it quickly.

My first buck with a longbow is a big feat, and I was very proud. He is providing some tasty meals too!

November and December flew by quickly as we spend lots of time with family and get to babysit Zeke every Saturday.

As we transition into the New Year and rewriting lots of 09's with 10's; we are thankful that Chris is still on special projects but eager for him to have something a bit more permanent. We finally have a rhythm to our daily life and are excited to grow our marriage and relationship through another year of camping trips, home cooked meals, and movie nights with the dogs. Happy New Year everyone, Love you all!

Comfort and vulnerability go hand in hand?

2009-12-14T17:11:00.000-08:00

There are few things in life that can truly comfort us.
One of those things to me is a full tank of gas. I don't know why, it's not like I've ever had a problem buying gas. There is something about a full tank of gas that makes me feel as if I could conquer the world. Like everything is ok, because I can drive another 330 miles.
We have been doing a bible study for quite a while with the people I work with. This study is the Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey. It is lifestyle changing. I have never been a genius with money, but something about the control I feel I now have is so freeing. Chris and I are on the same page about where our money should go and what we want to do with it in the future. It's been extremely comforting to fall asleep not worrying about how things will balance out when you've carefully planned out every detail. (I know, I know, it's like ASKING for God to throw a wrench into my plans)
Comfort is something I put very high on my needs list. If I am not feeling secure or comfortable, I turn into this feminist individual who "doesn't need" anyone to help me, I can do it myself, thank you very much.
Not good for most people involved, at least, the people who have eyeballs that could easily be scratched out.
As I grow up, it's interesting to see how those things change as my priorities shift. It's also interesting as I battle through having a husband who can contribute to those things when I could never depend on that before. It's hard, it makes me feel vulnerable to depend on someone else. Some days, being a vulnerable girl is perfectly fine with me and other days it makes me want to break things. I suppose this isn't something I experience exclusively, lots of women must struggle this way. But does it have to make me feel like such a basket case???
Here's to that full tank of gas not freezing because I cleared a path in my garage!

Dear Winter Drivers,

2009-12-08T12:52:00.000-08:00

On days like this I wish I still drove my big pink truck.
People thought twice about pulling out in front of me because when I said I want to "monster truck" them, it could really happen.
If you have to drive 10 miles an hour to get where you are going, TAKE THE BUS, it's safer for everyone.
That snow covered area in the middle of the road is where you go when you want to turn left, USE IT OR YOU WILL GET REAR ENDED.
If you are too frickin lazy to clean off your rear window, I SHOULD GET TO MONSTER TRUCK YOU!

Sincerely,

The woman screaming at you from the gold Envoy.

Now I remember.

2009-12-06T10:45:00.000-08:00

So, this is what a whiskey hangover feels like.
Our good friend Derek came down from Big Timber to stay at the Schneider Motel, where the couch is cozy and the dogs will jump on you and lick your face at 7am.
Putting together foggy patches of the night before always makes me giggle. I was shoveling the snow off the sidewalk just now and remembered that Sheena asked me to sign her and Dan's marriage license as their witness when they get married in Hawaii next year. I'm so glad that came through the pounding head and churning stomach because it would have been quite embarrassing to not recall that one.
We laughed and drank and shot some pool. Ok, I moved some balls around on a piece of green felt and had lots of Jack and Coke and Sheena and I shook our hips on the dance floor.
I had a terrible case of hiccups on the way home and that always makes me laugh and laughing doesn't get rid of hiccups very well.
We don't go out very often anymore, so I really cut loose and had a good time. Even if I am paying for it, it was worth every minute.

Perspective

2009-11-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

Spending some much needed time with my Besties last Thursday in Chico was a good ol' dose of perspective.
It's so funny how I lose that. Ok, maybe it's not funny. It's my selfish sinful nature, but nonetheless, I love being refocused.
I am concerned that Chris doesn't have a secure job with his company. Not grumpy with him, but it's so hard to see him in limbo; not knowing where he is going or if he is even going to get to stay there. BLAMO: Janelle and Aubyn's men are doing exactly what they want, but that forces them to be in other cities, away from their ladies. Karen's husband may look for something he loves and that may take all of them to another state. perspective.
I want a baby. BLAMO: I got to sleep in til 10:30am on Sunday. perspective.
People who want to buy a mattress are so incredibly rude to me. They hate the process and I hate them for treating me poorly. BLAMO: I still don't have a good perspective on this one, but I'm trying to not take their insults so personally.
Our poor monetary management got me all screwed up for a couple months and things have been a bit tight. BLAMO: Having a budget and spending every dollar on paper and on purpose before the month begins takes all the worry and anxiety out of our behaviors and all the meals at home are helping my jeans fit pretty baggy. perspective.
I have been able to step "out of my head" a little bit and enjoy where I am. I love our little house, our naughty dogs, and the relationship Chris and I are sowing is incredibly exciting. I can't wait to have our first Christmas in our own home.

So I says to myself, self...

2009-10-21T14:40:00.000-07:00

Aw! Good feedback, friends. My support system is overwhelming. I was also blog creeping today and reading a new fav by Gaaby. She talks about her grumpiness during trasitional periods in her life, and I totally relate!
I thrive on change and new happenings. I hate a period of waiting or stagnancy... Which is interesting, because I think Chris thrives on those periods where everything is calm. Sorry baby, I'm gonna shake things up. I am going to take the first step and order the prerequisites to the course and get myself acquainted with birthing and hypnosis. After I complete those, I will get to a class to get certified. Everyone I talk to about this is very encouraging. Nobody can see me doing the mattress thing for the rest of my life, and I need a new challenge that won't a) add to our debt or b) run me ragged.
So, we're decided. (Janelle, are you loving the Mr. Dolan references or what?)
****************
In an unrelated matter; I broke my camera. Well, you deserve to hear how because it's kind of funny.
Dad and I went hunting on Friday and as we were walking out in the pitch blackness, we had to cross a slough. *slough: a back up of water from a creek that cows stomp around in as they urinate and defecate*
We crossed in a spot that was a little wider than where we came in. Just that 1 extra step and my foot slipped. I was conscious enough to keep my hands in the air so they wouldn't be covered, but I fell in about 18 inches of MUCK. My camera was in my pocket and filled with "water" very quickly. Needless to say, it was embarrassing and cold, and now I get the added inconvenience of going to Best Buy to get a new one under the accidental damage protection that I purchased BECAUSE I KNOW MYSELF.

Like I need a hole in the head

2009-10-17T17:04:00.000-07:00

Allow me to draw you a picture of a girl.
This girl is indecisive, spontaneous, and a bit of a perfectionist. She changed her major, oh, 5-8 times in the 3 years she was in college. She took the real estate course, but never got her license. She looks at college websites more than any person who hates school ever should. She wants to do something she loves, but just can't seem to nail that thing down. She gets stuck being a salesperson because when she is passionate about something, she is very persuasive. She's getting very tired of being passionate about mattresses. Does this girl in your head look like this??

Congratulations. Meet Jenn.
I have stumbled upon something that I really think I would enjoy doing. I could do it while I hold down my full time dream job as the mattress queen and hopefully find it so fullfilling that it makes me happier all around.
I heard about Hypnobirthing from Steve Brown. He told me that his cousin living in LA did it for the birth of her first child and the experience was "life changing." FOR A BYSTANDER. I was so intruiged that I bought the book immediately. I got half way through it pretty quickly and discussed it with many moms who think I'm nuts, but nod their heads politely at the sound of a pain free/drug free birth. I stopped reading it when it got to the parts about visualizing your unborn baby and bonding with the fetus. I just couldn't connect.
After attending the birth of my lovely nephew and watching the trauma to my sister's body, I decided to pick it back up and see what they said about all those circumstances my sister encountered.
WHOA. I have a totally different perspective on the whole experience. She did fabulously, but her Dr. is a surgeon and looks at everything through that lens. I want to birth with this program, so I got online to see who teaches classes...
crickets chirping...
Nobody in Billings teaches this method.
There are 3 girls in Livingston and Bozeman. There are no facilities that advocate this method. What is wrong with people? If there is a chance that childbirth can be safe, drug free, and pain free, why wouldn't you do it?
Further investigation on the website revealed that they will train "practioners" to teach the classes and help people in your area find you.
Maybe its because I'm fresh off of a euphoric birth, but I would love to share this method with people and teach women how to do this. I have emailed the girls in MT who do it with some questions and can't wait to hear what they have to say.
Could this be a new career for me??? Do you think people would be interested??? I have lots of friends having babies and would love opinions of "already moms."

Palpable \ˈpal-pə-bəl\

2009-10-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

1) capable of being touched or felt
2) easily perceptible
3) easily perceptible by the mind

I'm not insulting your intelligence. I thought I'd google this word that I've used the past couple days to describe my "baby fever." Partially to spell check, and partially intersted in the real definition. Yes! I google to spell check, I'm that cool.
I told Zeke's story, but now I'd like to vomit my feelings onto ~~you~~ this page! I re-read the grass is greener-itis, and felt sad about my jealousy. I have been pushed to giddy excited-ness over this precious little boy and can't imagine ever feeling negatively about his existance.
Maybe a lot of things we feel jealous about are this way. I watched my little sister become a MOTHER. Whoa. I'm no longer feeling envy, but standing in awe of the palpable love in our lives right now. Yes, I want a child, that is easily perceptible but I want the timing to be right as well. EVERYONE has an opinion on having kids, and usually the ones who have kids want to impress their opinions more heavily. I enjoy absorbing their words and sorting them as needed to not hurt my feelings or discourage my heart. My mom's response was by far the funniest. As we sat in the hospital room, waiting for Bozz to come out of recovery; she looked at Chris and I and said, "Ok, now that we're done with this 'first stuff,' you guys can go ahead and get on with having some too." I think this is how we were all feeling. The nervous tension has given way to a flood of the kinds of hormones and endorphins that could probably cure cancer. We get together, have dinners, laugh, and love. This little man is the kind of love that is capable of being touched and felt.
What is easily perceptible by the mind in your life right now?? Is it Love? Sadness? Joy?
Here's to the kind of HAPPINESS that is palpable.

Zeke's Story

2009-10-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

I drove home at 2:34 am.
Along my route I sobbed and shivered with joy and relief.
My baby sister used her body to do the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. She had a baby boy.
She's been dilated and effaced all week, and her blood pressure was not doing so hot. Dr. Ezell scheduled her for induction Friday morning. We all hoped and prayed she would labor naturally before Friday, but the baby held his ground through the snowy weather and stayed in the cozy comfort of his mother's womb.
She called at 6:30 am Friday morning and said she couldn't go in yet because another woman was requiring the Dr.'s attention. The hospital called her again at 7:30 and said to come down, they could get her started. My mom and I met at City Brew and got our fix from the bitter cold. We hurried up to the 4th floor, thinking my sister would already be there tapping her foot at our promptness.
We asked the check in nurse, and she told us they hadn't arrived yet. Good start, we got there first.
They arrived shortly after us and she was quickly put in a hospital gown and given a birthing ball. She was checked and told that she was still dilated to 2 cm and effaced to 90%. She discussed her wishes with the nurse, Joanie, about how she really wanted this to be as natural as possible. Joanie was so encouraging and understanding of our first timer. Dr. Ezell explained that with controlled dosage of pitocin they could better monitor her blood pressure and the baby's. She conceded and we all settled in for a long day of laboring.
We joked and watched tv. Her contractions were not bothering her and after the pitocin increased, they slowed down. This is not really the desired result. Joanie became concerned that the baby was not coming down like he should and ordered an ultrasound to make sure were weren't forcing the baby into breach.
The ultrasound tech came in and assured us that he was head down, but that he wasn't as far down as they'd like. When the Dr. came in shortly after 1pm, he was prepared to break her water, but the pitocin hadn't increased with the severity that he'd ordered. He kind of chewed out the nurse(in the nicest/funniest way I've ever witnessed) and ordered the pitocin to be more aggressive so she'd be ready by the time he came back.
Joanie laughed about his "scolding" and began crankin' up the drug. The contraction monitor was unreliable, but the blood pressure cuff continually reminded us that she was just a little higher than they like. By 5:30, she was up to 16ml of pitocin and they told us 20ml is kind of their max. She was still not complaining about any pain, but starting to look uncomfortable. The Dr. came in again; this time to break her water for sure. She was dilated the same, but they hoped breaking her water would speed things along.
Contractions became more visibly painful to Bozz, but she held up like a trooper. She used the birthing ball and my mom rubbed her back. She was peeing a lot. She bounced and rocked through 2 1/2 hours of some pretty rotten contractions hoping the next Dr. check would reveal some much needed progress. Her blood pressure was getting higher and higher with the pain increasing. Our nurse Joanie brought in the new nurse that would be taking over and told us all how much fun she had with our group, and "good luck."
Margie was a traveling nurse who was very "go get 'em." She offered lots of encouraging words to Bozz and was in the room a lot more than Joanie. Probably because we were getting much closer... Dr. Ezell popped in to see if she was in pain yet, and was pleased to see she was. Because the monitor for the contractions wasn't showing what we wanted it to, he ordered an IUPC that is inserted in the uterus to take "real" measurements of the pressure. Knowing that would tell if her contractions were good and strong or if she was just a woosy. He left to do something in the ER and Bozz's pain started to become quite unbearable. Margie was getting antsy waiting for the Dr., so she did a check to see if she was dilating the way she needed to be. Her check revealed virtually no progress. Maybe a 1/2cm, and the baby's head was poking through and getting squishy.
She saw Bozz's disappointment and said, "Do you want my advice, sweetie?? I mean, if you were my daughter?" We all felt the disappointment that was in Bozz's face, but were eager to hear a professional opinion. She said that we just simply have to get the pain under control. She wasn't progressing, so whatever happened, it was going to be a long night. Bozz asked her to please order the epidural and page her Dr. Another nurse "Bridget" came in shortly after to tell us the epidural process. She would be standing in for Margie at this point. We were asked to leave, as Chris was the only one allowed in during the epidural and insertion of the IUPC and catheter.
We all sat in the hall outside the waiting room, it was after 10pm and were were wearing down. Sitting, standing, walking, nothing was comfortable when you are waiting like this. Bridget FINALLY came and told us we could go back. We piled in and loved on our defeated feeling mama. She looked a little brighter, not having to deal with the pain and the contraction monitor was showing very rhythmic and painful contractions. She had a couple iced chips and told us how hard it was to get the epidural in. He tried 6 times to get it and almost gave up.
The blood pressure monitor continued to check and quickly began alarming us that she was dropping. You could see it in her face, she was not doing well. She couldn't see the monitor, so I stood at the foot of her bed rubbing her feet and telling her how good Zeke's heartbeat was doing. The blood pressure monitor kept testing and never got it's desired result. She told me she was light headed and wanted to throw up. We got her the vomit bucket and I called the nurse in. The nurse saw the readings and TRIED not to show the panic on her face. She said, "Let me get you something for the nausea and call your Dr." Bozz threw up everything she could and shook violently.
Dr. Ezell came in as the nurses scrambled to put the ephedrine in her iv. He prepped to check her 1 more time and asked for the blood pressure reading. "94 over 18," Bridget said. "Excuse me?" was his response. Bridget repeated the reading and the room stood still. He checked her again and said she still wasn't even to 3cm. As he was checking her, I heard the alarm again and saw the bottom number of her blood pressure below 10. He looked at the screen and said, " We need to talk about the C word."
At this point, my poor sweet sister was defeated. She said she'd do it, and they quickly prepared. The ephedrine kicked in to a low normal pressure, but still not desirable. Zeke's heart rate remained strong, but Bozz couldn't do it anymore. Chris stepped out of the room to tell his parents, and came back in white as a ghost. I grabbed him and hugged him. I told him he was doing great and that they would be just fine. I felt his lungs collapse in a sigh and my tears started pooling. They quickly dressed and were gone before we knew it.
We stood in the hall and my mom shook and cried in my embrace. This was so hard to watch. This wasn't her plan, this wasn't the way she envisioned it; but it was what had to be done. I found my own husband's cozy arms and had my own little break down. We were told to stand at the nursery window, they would take the baby there first. We gathered around the 3 window panes, there were 11 of us. Time crept by. The door finally popped open and a very proud papa wheeled in a cart with a screaming chunky baby boy. The nurses wrapped him up and he brought him over to the window to meet his sobbing fans. He held the boy close to his face and pointed out each relative to him. When he got to my dad, the tears were flowing like I've never seen and Chris shared in the joyful expression. My husband's arms were tight around me as we watched a daddy take in all of his newborn baby.

Bozz was in a recovery room and Chris was getting ready to take Zeke down to meet her. The recovery room was supposed to be closed to us, but the nurse allowed us to stand in the doorway. The nurses that helped us seemed so overwhelmed with the immense support and love that surrounded these 2 people and their little one. Chris had the cart right outside the room and I stopped him to kiss those wonderful cheeks before he went in to meet mama. We stood aside so we could see her face as Chris presented her with her son to hold for the first time. THAT was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever seen. He cooed and squirmed as she talked to him and it was perfect, 8.8 lbs of stubborn perfection. Congratulations to my little sister and her husband. Welcome into the world, Ezekiel Arlon Light.

Grass is greener-itis

2009-09-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

I have had some serious swings in mood lately and I think my husband is a saint for not only putting up with my shortness in temper, but encouraging me to talk to him about it.
You know that mood where you aren't really sure what is bothering you, but you feel bad for anyone who asks because you can't help but pull out your samurai sword of sarcasm and lop their head off before they have finished the sentence?? See, usually, this happens when I am hungry. Naturally, the people whom I love dearly and know this about me ask if they can get me some food so I will remove my fingernails from their eyeballs. THIS DOESN'T HELP. When I am angry and bitchy and then they ask if they can feed me... I feel like morphing into a toddler and throwing a fit suitable for Wal-Mart. The crazy part is that it's almost an out of body experience, where I can see what I am doing and I know that no one in their right mind would love this person; but i can't help it.
Soul searching begins.
There's the obvious, my little sister is having a baby very soon. I feel old, jealous, excited, jealous, excited, jealous, excited. I KNOW IT'S RIDICULOUS. I have said this several times, but I relapse like Courtney Love. I am so happy for her and so excited to be an aunt; but I am the oldest and used to getting those "firsts" moments, and this was one that I didn't want to give up. She just texted me and said she lost her mucous plug, so we are getting super close and the excitement makes me teary eyed. I get to be in the delivery room with them. My sister and I have never been this close and I can't wait to have a nephew. So, there's that...
I have a great job. Except that I hate selling mattresses. I love the people I work with and for. I have a supportive Christian environment. (I'm about to brag) I am a really good salesperson. REALLY, for how much I loathe most of the people I talk to, I have impressive sales numbers. I enjoy the "behind the scenes" work I do, like ordering and making sure things go smooth after the purchase; but the second that door cracks, my eyes turn red and my attitude takes a plunge off Niagra Falls. I actually shook an old man yesterday... he was being a pain in the rear, and I jokingly grabbed his shoulder and said, "you can do whatever you want!" I don't touch customers, EVER. I would say I need a vacation, but I just had a fabulous one in Mexico. So there's that...
I am praying and hoping that my attitude improves quickly and that my relationships are not permanently damaged because of my discontent. A discontent which I am now referring to as grass is greener-itis.

2009-09-18T14:34:00.001-07:00

I got new hiking boots!

I am a bowhunter, hear me roar

2009-09-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

I took that drive through the Gallatin valley and the sun was set by the time I reached the park, so I did not see the fall touching the leaves as I wanted to. In fact, I saw dark black shiny asphalt because it was drizzling. I had to take my contacts out and all the glare was terrifying. I finally made it to the safety of the cabin in West Yellowstone and my Dad was very glad to see me.
I was awakened at 5:30 am.
Let me say that again, did you hear me?? 5:30 AM.
Trust me when I tell you that I have not seen the morning side of that time in quite a while. Luckily, my dad had a cup of coffee waiting and the anticipation of this hunt quickly cleared the sleep from my eyes. By the way, it was effin' cold. I was in a cabin of men who loved this so they did not light a fire. I am so glad I brought my heavier sleeping bag. My Dad actually slept with his window open!
Anyway, I pulled on my camo patterned long johns and some camo pants that Dad bought me before my very first hunting trip... when I was 12. YeeHaw! They still fit. They were the highest waisted pants I have owned in 10 years, but that's not the point, people. I had to borrow another shirt from Dad to stay warm in the morning, but the days were expected to get to 75 and with all the hiking, I surely wouldn't need the warmth for long.
The nervous excitement that courses through your veins when you get in the truck is something I had kind of forgotten. We drove to the road that Dad and his friend had hunted the night before and there were lots of bugling bulls running around. We began marching up the trail and I couldn't help dreading the thought of climbing the mountains that surrounded me. I'm not exactly, "in shape." Walking up the trail as the sun started peeking over the mountain tops and there it was. The first bugle bellowed from the ridge ahead and I couldn't help thinking of how that sound beats the crap out of a Grande vanilla americano! I was jolted to wide awake and my senses were vampirous(hehe, a Twilight reference for you!).
Dad gave me a quick look and we crept forward. He did some calling back to keep the bull in the area and another bull bugled from a canyon over. I'm practically dancing with delight at this point. Both bulls are bugling territorially now and we figure we'd better get out of this canyon bottom... Here comes the hiking.
We practically ran up the first ridge, and I was glad to find my Dad just as winded as I was. We sat on a log and let the bull closest work his way closer. He did this very quickly Dad sent me half way up the next ridge to get ready for his approach. I found a satisfactory spot for whichever way the elk wanted to approach our little game.
There was a drainage to my left and the ridge straight above me. Suddenly, the elk bugled from right around the corner of the drainage and every hair on my body lifted in anticipation. I tried to collect all of my emotions and concentrate on holding still. He was so close. Then I heard thrashing around on top of the ridge above me. He never made another bugle, but he was PISSED. He threw branches and broke trees to let us know that it was not ok that we took his cows. Dad could see the top of his head and his 5 by 6 antler spread from where he was, but I never got to see him. He walked down the ridge to try to head off the cows he thought we were hiding and must have caught our wind on the south side because we never heard him again.
It was still early so we continued to climb the ridges and play to the elk who were still out there rounding up their herds. Dad said that he didn't want to go too far in because they would be settling down soon and we would come back later in the evening, so it was best to not spread our scent.
We ate, we napped, we got dressed again and headed back to our canyon.
This time, Dad's best friend, Jeff, accompanied us. On our drive up the road, a grouse happened into our crossing. Jeff and I jumped out of the truck and grabbed our bows. You can't really shoot a bird with a broadhead, but we had tips on the arrows called judo tips. They are pronged and wide, so they don't bury into the ground or, in this case, animal. We slowly walked up the road ahead of the truck and the grouse just stood there. I took the first shot and my arrow landed about 1 foot short of him and bounced into the ditch. Jeff took the next shot and shot behind him. The grouse seemed confused and ran into the trees. We both took a second shot, but missed again and thought we'd better save our energy.
We reached the trail head, I used the outhouse because peeing outdoors for a girl is so much less convenient; and we made our way up the trail. We passed a spot where we had heard a bull earlier that morning and my Dad pointed out the smell. He said, "can you smell the elk?" Even with a head cold nagging at my senses, I could! It was a strange musky pheromone-ish smell. It didn't smell bad, just distinct.
We huffed and puffed up the trail and I began to wonder who in their right mind would own a pair of Nike hiking boots. Oh, that's right. ME! p.s. If anyone offers to give you their great Nike hiking boots, tell them to go jump off a cliff. I'm nearly positive that the ankle reinforcement is rebar. They are broken in, but the ankles are so stiff that my Achilles is sore to the touch. Every step was shear agony. That is, of course, until you hear that bugle, then you can't really feel anything.
The heat of the day was still bearing down and elk don't rally the cows until it starts to cool down. We found a nice shade tree and sat for a while. Dad spotted 3 mountain goats up on the cliff above us, it was fun to watch the nanny goat with her 2 kids. It's amazing what they can stand on. The sun was setting and we made our plan for the pursuit. We started out against 1 ridge; Dad and I stood up high in case a bull came down over the side. Jeff called and called and nothing answered. Then the faint belly-ache of a distressed bull reached us and a grin spread across my face. We stood and waited to see if he would come closer. Dad pointed and a tan body rose over the hillside. A little spike bull was wondering over to check out what the commotion was. He never made a peep, just walked up to the decoy Jeff had set out. Jeff didn't see him until he was about 6 yards away. The young elk saw the strange movement and decided he'd better leave. The big bull on the other side of the canyon was not getting any closer, although he continued to call for his lost cows to come back to him. Dad and I made our plan to cross over to the other side of the canyon up on a knob and try to sneak up on him. This is very tricky business if the wind doesn't play in your favor.
The hike on the other side of the canyon was the steepest one yet. I don't hike. The only thing worse than hiking is hiking on your tip toes. Luckily, Jeff stayed behind to continue to coax the bull toward us. We would climb for a while, then stop to catch our breath and listen to where the bull was moving. Several times we approached an edge hoping he would be just on the other side, but he was not. When it sounded like he was moving away, I got quite discouraged. Dad called again as a "I'm your lost cow, please come help me!" and the bull charged back with the, "Get your blankety blank back here right now!" call. He was CLOSE.
I set up in front of a very small tree on the edge of a ridge, which was very uncomfortable to stand on. All the while, when my mind had a chance to wander, my ankles would scream out for the coinciding pain receptors in my brain. I heard a timber crack and an animal was making it's way toward me. I stood as still as I could and peered through the trees. I made out that silly little spike again who just couldn't help but check out this precarious situation. He stared at me and tried to detect the tiniest movement, but I won. He walked down toward my Dad's calling and came about 15 yards to my left. I practiced the movement of shooting him had he been a worthy specimen. Spike bulls are illegal to shoot. I would gladly shoot a cow for the meat :)
Suddenly the calling is getting much more aggressive as my Dad and Jeff are desperately trying to convince this bull that his cows are getting stolen by a rival bull. Then we hear the real bulls cows start talking. WE ARE REALLY CLOSE.
Dad moves to the other side of the little ridge we are on to try and get him to come down my right side and all of a sudden I get really hot. It felt like all the blood went to the surface of my skin and literally saw stars. Then the blood went to my core and I was covered with goosebumps. I fell back against the tree and dropped to my knees. The sounds were swirling around me and I couldn't tell which way was up. I thought I was going to throw up. I thought,"OK, throw up and get on with it, there is a giant bull coming in that you have to shoot!" I look up and my Dad is telling me to get my ass up the trail. I took the deepest breath of my life, gave myself a little pep talk and stalked up the trail. The light was getting very low and all of a sudden, there he was.
I froze. I didn't so much as breathe, but I could feel my whole body coursing with adrenaline. He sucked in his guts and let out a last pleading attempt for his lost cow. His body was sheltered by a tree and he stood across a meadow that made it a 35 yard shot for me. His head steadily held the most glorious antlers I have ever seen in person. (Hold the "nice rack" jokes til the end please) His head turned with such grace, it was like I was watching in slow motion. His eyes fixed on the decoy my Dad held down from me and I attempted to scoot forward to get my shot. He spotted my movement immediately and turned toward the trees again. With his eyes not on me, I took a few large steps to get to the meadow. You can take a shot directly in their tail, there is a main artery there that is sure to be a kill. As I stood to assess my last possible shot, a cow that had been standing on the other side of the meadow saw me and they all fled as the game had come to an end.
I almost squealed as I hopped back down the trail to where my Dad was. He gave me a high five and said I did an awesome job, sometimes you just don't get the shot.
I am a bowhunter, successful or not; I climbed mountains I would've never otherwise considered, I challenged the basic instincts of animals and myself, and I loved every almost passing out/ankle breaking/out of breath minute of it.

Hit the Road, Jack

2009-09-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

Grabbed my Grande vanilla Americano(and a new thermos) from Starbucks, started the Jetta and drove to Bozeman this morning.
I am working in the Bozeman store today to give the girl filling in for the manager who had back surgery a little break. It worked out perfectly because I wanted to meet my dad in West Yellowstone to hunt maybe an elk, maybe a wolf, and maybe just catch a big brown trout. I will head there tonight and hunt tomorrow. Then Thursday morning, I go back to Bozeman to work another day in that store, and drive back to Billings for a BBQ and some "Thirsty Thursday" action in early celebration of my 25th Birthday on Saturday.
I heard the drive through Gallatin Valley is starting to turn to fall colors and I am excited to see that. I haven't been hunting with my dad in a while, and I am really looking forward to it.
Unfortunately, my poor husband is now in charge of 3 dogs at our house and feeding another dog and a cat at my mom and dad's house. What a good husband, and a good man to hold the fort down so I can take these opportunities.

Ironic

2009-09-15T07:43:00.003-07:00

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** This was an attempt at mobile blogging, which has worked in the past, but is not working now... I was trying to say that I am getting a terrible head cold, which is funny because this is what my head feels like!**

Future SNL superstars

2009-09-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

Aubyn graciously agreed to videotape the happenings at our wedding.
These little gems were at the end of the evening and I couldn't keep them all to myself.

You're welcome.

Winnie and Savannah are photogenic

2009-09-01T21:12:00.001-07:00

Picture updates are my favorite now :)

Winnie lets her legs fall back like this when she's really concentrating on chewing on something.

Savannah and I were chillin' on the dog bed.

Winnie and Chris time

Savannah wants to be a puppy too

Savannah cuddling Winnie after she wore her out.

Camping and Birthday and such

2009-08-27T18:23:00.000-07:00

Chris's 28th birthday was on Monday and we decided to take our new puppy camping. We left way too late because I got off at 6 on Saturday and after packing the car and getting all the way out to Sportsman's Warehouse, I realized that all of our camping utensils and coffee pot that were in the dishwasher were still. in. the. dishwasher. CRAP. We finally got to the campsite that we both have only seen once and were not exactly sure which turn to take at about 10:30 in pitch blackness. Found the campsite and found a spot(Thank God) and threw up our tent in record time. I realized when we got back and looked through the photos that we take pictures of our dog like proud parents.
BUT ISN'T SHE FREAKIN' ADORABLE???

It was really cold on Beartooth Lake, a storm rolled in shortly after we arrived and we headed back into Red Lodge for a hot meal.

Winnie enjoyed a cool dip in the lake. She is quite the water dog.

She was not on a leash on the way down, but her nose was getting the best of her and leading her a little further away than we were comfortable with. We tied a rope around Chris and she just sat on this rock with him while he fished.

Cutest puppy ever.

She was tuckered out after a very long day of sniffing out new smells.

When we got back and took showers, Chris and I had a nice dinner and movie date to celebrate his Birthday.

Then we celebrated his birthday with my parents. Don't they look happy to be empty nesters?

This was honestly the best picture I got of Chris the whole night. He loves his chocolate cake!

Chris is learning the art I have perfected of stretching out the whole birthday celebrating to much longer than a single day. I average roughly a week of "birthday" sanctioned events and he is quickly following my lead.
We got to spend some time with my very pregnant sister and I am so excited anticipating the arrival of my nephew in October. She has been very pleasant as pregnant women go, and she is always good for a laugh at something 1 of her drunken customers said.

My week in dialogue

2009-08-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

Quotes from my week:

Me: If you were going to be stranded in the wilderness, wouldn't you want me to be with you because I'm such a good fire starter?
Chris: Sure...
Me: Ooh. If you were stranded in Siberia, would you rather have me or my dad with you?
Chris: YOUR DAD
Me: Thanks, dear.
***********************
Me: If you are going to City Brew, you should get the Montana Lemonade, it's huckleberry.
Bozz: You would order anything with that in it, even if it was "huckle-cream ass-berry" pie. Wait, I said that wrong.
***********************
Maybe these are "you had to be there" moments, but I still love them.

Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous

2009-08-12T11:19:00.000-07:00

First of all, I owe MYSELF a jeer because I complained about the Clinton's lack of committment to me/Billings and then when they were here; I chose to attend the Kelly Clarkson concert with 50,000 screaming 12 year old girls. Jeer, Jenn, Jeer.
Something fairly exciting happened this week in the Mattress industry. I got a call from one of our vendors. She asked for me specifically and said that a man would be calling me from a tour bus for a celebrity, but would not identify the celebrity. He was going to be in the area of our Bozeman store this week and needs a bed. Sweet.
The guy calls immediately after I hang up witht he vendor. He tells me which bed they are interested in and wants to make sure we can deliver the mattress to the tour bus in a location he will specify when it gets closer. I tell him I need some information about the person sleeping on the bed to make sure they get the correct postural support. I need their height(5'8-5'10)weight(195-200)build and weight distribution(average, larger shoulders)areas of pain(Aaron has lower back problems, they have a massage therapist on the bus for him).
After I get the correct mattress for him, he says,"I don't think it will matter, but I should ask how much this will cost?" I tell him it's $3700, and he says, "Ok, cool. E-mail me the invoice and I will call you with the bus information."
Wow. The life of a celebrity sounds so hard. Turns out, it's for the lead singer of Staind... I feel special by association :)

Cheers and Jeers

2009-08-01T10:04:00.000-07:00

Thus is the tradition in so many blogs... I shall now fall in line with the "Cheers and Jeers" section of this blog.

**Cheers**

Being in Bozeman is a change of pace. It's funny here, dog bowls outside businesses and lots of Audi's
Driving alone so I could turn the music up loud enough that I couldn't hear myself screaming the lyrics
Staying with friends so I'm not completely alone
Having time to finally finish up Thank You cards
Getting to fly fish with my hubby tomorrow on the Madison
My new found love of Americanos instead of Lattes
That fabulously fibrous muffin from Great Harvest this morning
Finally getting to read the rest of Janelle's writing
Getting credit for all the sales this weekend because I am the only 1 here
The Old Navy here always seems to have better stuff
Sheena is off fires and back in Billings for good
My house is mostly decorated and fabulous
The chairs I have always wanted were finally approved for purchase and now sit in my living room

**Jeers**

Being in Bozeman without Chris, well, sleeping alone is the worst of it
Except for the music part, driving alone really sucks
Being the only 1 at the store, so I can't go get MORE coffee
Not being able to get a second opinion on that Old Navy stuff
I miss my droopy eyed little puppy
Summer is winding down
I have not seen The Clinton's in concert at all this year!
The air conditioning I have always wanted is still not in the budget

Everything you missed

2009-07-29T15:48:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe I haven't had a chance to do this until now! We have been really busy at work, and I can't really complain. Our profit sharing bonuses are coming up, and I have been working my little buns off :)
There are some tidbits I wanted to share from pre-wedding through honeymoon and this seems the most appropriate/reader friendly way:

* We were down to the wire getting all of the grooms in the correct attire for the wedding. ie. Chris's pants and vest were not in until roughly 24 hours before the wedding.
* My mom and I had it out on Thursday night. We were both so stressed and not nice to eachother, so we snapped. Right there in front of everyone(the room cleared out so fast). After we got it out, it was a breeze! We communicated so much better and I'm so glad cuz I needed her really badly.
*We had so many compliments on the food/location/decorations/everything. It turned out, "like a fairybook" according to Chris's dad.
*The bartenders said our wedding was the best party they have seen. They usually are packed up and gone from outdoor weddings by 10. They drove away at 12:45. We throw 1 helluva party!
*In the right setting, Dave Schuyler will do the moonwalk for you; and no matter how much I complain, I always dance to the Chicken Dance.
*Chris poked his finger on the hook of my dress and it will forever have a little blood spot on the back, I think it's kind of cool. You can't even see it, he did it before the ceremony.
*When the exit row in an airplane sounds like a good idea, remember that the back doesn't recline... serious toss up.
*No amount of Airborne can keep me from getting a cold after being in an airplane. boo.
*Mexico is HUMID and beautiful.
*Our room was entered at an awkward moment(for them) 5 TIMES by housekeeping staff!!
*Don't ever read a local newspaper in Mexico, it's downright scary.
*Do get up and watch a sunrise over the ocean if you ever can. It's incredible.

Settling in has been good. It's hard to find time to get unpacked from moving and find all the right places for your things in a new home. Holly was home for a visit, so she suggested we have a BBQ at our new house. It worked out wonderfully because I was motivated to get my house in order a little quicker than I would have on a weekend that was over 90 degrees and we don't have central air. We had so much fun with everyone who came over and I'm just a little closer to having all our treasures in their correct places.

I'm alive

2009-07-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry for not updating. My puny readership deserves better. I find myself in quite a predicament with not having internet access at home. I can only update at work, and we have been pleasantly busy. Also, I cannot upload photos from the work computer; so that adds to the complication of posting because I'm sure you are dying to see photos and I'm not providing that for you.
Boo.
I have some interesting stories from both the wedding-ish and the honeymoon that I will share this week.
I promise.

At Last

2009-06-28T22:33:00.000-07:00

Hello from Mrs. Schneider. I don't have much time, it's 11:30pm, and we have to be at the airport at 6am.
I just wanted to let everyone know how fabulous the wedding was and thank everyone who helped us out; it was incredible!
Thank you Thank you Thank you.
I can't wait to post some of the hilarious skits Aubyn, Janelle, and Karen made for us; as well as pictures form beautiful Mexico.
Talk to you in a week.
xoxo

The eve of wedded bliss

2009-06-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

This is it. All of the stress of planning is gone and now it's like watching a little kid ride a bike for the first time. It could be wobbly. It could be straight as an arrow. There's not much I can do about it at this point, so I will run along side it and try to keep it from smashing into a curb and breaking the handlebars off.
The last 2 days went smoothly; and by smoothly, I mean expensive. Seriously, my wrist hurts from all the check writing.
However, they have also been good. I feel absolutely zero stress right now. It's like Christmas Eve and the night before the last day of school.
There is something very peaceful about knowing I will spend forever with Chris and I can't wait to celebrate that with all of my friends and family.
Thank you to everyone who is helping or has offered to. See you tomorrow!

Thank you, weather.com

2009-06-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

Sat Jun 27
Sunny
83°
0% chance of precipitation
That is all I'm saying :)

So far, so good

2009-06-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

Today feels weird. It's like the culmination of stress, anxiety, nervousness, excitement, exhaustion, and the persistent feeling of running out of time.
We have a lot done at the house, but my room is still VERY full of clothes and that is a daunting task. My plan is to take my Friday off this week and try to plan out everything I will need for the next week as well as pack for Mexico, and take everything else up to the house. Like I said, daunting. Oh, it's also the last day I technically have off before the wedding stuff is full swing, so things like waterproof mascara, a new swimsuit for the honeymoon, and finalization errands are all needing to be done.
On a super-exciting note, my sister is throwing us a Bachelor/Bachelorette party on Saturday night. She(being very pregnant) thought she had another week before the 20th, so the invitations are a little late. She got everyone's phone number to give some heads up; but I know people are busy in June and I am not the only bride :) We are meeting at my mom and dad's house on Saturday at 6:30, partying on the deck, doing some drinking games(Aubyn), and then who knows! Hope you can join us.
Speaking of prego, she finds out on Tuesday what the little guy is, in terms of gender. I think everyone is pulling for a boy, but we'll see.

Oh, Huntington Hills, how I've missed you

2009-06-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

My dear friends hosted a bridal shower on Sunday that was the nicest one I have ever been to. Being the guest of honor to boot??! It was beautiful, tasteful(tasty), and so very thoughtful. I do believe Aubyn was the mastermind behind the operation, but many thanks go to Janelle and Karen as well. We drank mimosas.. ok, I drank mimosas and snacked on my favorite blueberry scones and fresh fruit. I had decorations to take home and left feeling so stinkin' blessed!

Just look at that presentation.

I even got a good picture with Rylie. Karen tells me this is rare.

Maybe not too rare, cuz this is just adorable!

The first place winner in the "who kows Jenn and Chris the bestest" game.

Our second place winner with the prized as seen on tv hit, the "snuggie."

Yay for crockpots.

Our lovely group

After the butterflies attacked

I am so glad you decided to model for us.

I adore this picture. Thank you, friends for a beautiful day!

2009-06-07T14:56:00.001-07:00

Pampered = me
Nothing better on a rainy Sunday than a beautifully detailed bridal shower with dear friends, tanning, getting your hair done, and snuggling

Dreaming. Literally.

2009-06-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

Chris thinks I should publish a book on my crazy dreams.
This is close enough for me. I think it helps me to realize they were just dreams if I talk about them. You know how they can seem so real and cause so much anxiety??

Non-wedding related: Chris was carrying our child and the Dr. said I could deliver the baby via C-section at home. I proceeded to make the incision to remove our child and found there were 4 babies! I closed him back up temporarily and asked my mom what I do with all the ambilical cords. She said that guys carry them differently and not to worry, they will take care of themselves. I removed the babies and the cords simply fell off. I laid the babies in the crib and my dad was quite concerned that we only had 1 crib for all the babies. I simply told him we were going to put little dividers in the 1 crib and it would be just fine...

Wedding related: Chris and I were having a fun day off together, shopping, running errands, and then we remembered that it was our wedding day and we had to get to the reception. We were in my truck and heading there when I realized I forgot my dress. I insisted on going back to get it since we couldn't re-do the wedding. I dropped him off and tried to drive home to get my dress, but my truck wouldn't go any faster than 25 miles an hour. FRUSTRATING!

2nd Wedding related: We were at our reception in a strange auditorium looking place. Chris kept playing inappropriate songs for so early in the evening and was upsetting the older people. I went to the bathroom and came back just as the toasts were being finished. I said to Chris, "Why didn't you come get me?" He said, "we looked everywhere, but we couldn't find you; so we just did them." Like it was no big deal. I got over it, and suggsted we cut the cake. Then he says, "Oh, she asked me if it was ok for her to cut it for the guests and I told her to go ahead." I looked over and the cake was gone. The bar tender we hired was packing up for the evening, so he put all of the alcohol we paid for under a table. I came back later to get some and my dad had drank it all.

I know I am a little nuts, but these dreams are riduculous.

A new Schneider

2009-05-28T10:02:00.000-07:00

Chris's brother, Nick, and his wife, Katie, had their precious baby girl last night. They didn't know the sex until she was born and Katie was stunned to find out she was a girl! Although it's not official, I did get called "aunt Jenn." The 2 older boys, Nicholas and Owen, were adorable with the new baby. I will post some pictures soon. Let baby season begin!

Word vomit

2009-05-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

What a fun-filled weekend!
Kayla and Tyler's wedding on Friday was easy and enjoyable, unlike my hangover on Saturday.
Camping on Saturday was also pleasant. It was so nice to go camping with good friends, even though I was a little grumpy on the way up.
*****
(driving up to go camping)
Me: Whoa! That has got to be the biggest bull in the world!
Chris: Um... don't you think there would be a sign?
******
I put out the next month's schedule at work yesterday. Do you know what next month is? Do you know what today is? Yes, 1 month until the wedding, I enjoyed looking at all the days I will not be working and thinking once again about the turqoise waters of the Carribean Sea and the soft sandy beaches of the Riveria Maya.
*****
I want some opinions. Chris and I were talking about the Bachelor/Bachelorette parties and have come up with an idea of having them together. I don't want a traditional, wear a penis necklace to a bar kind of scenario. Chris doesn't want to go to a strip club, and most of his friends are my girlfriends. He thought it would be fun to just get all of our friends together for a night out to celebrate together. Thoughts?
*****
Last thing, I swear. Chris and I are going to stay at our house the night of the wedding since it will be our first night there together. (awwwwww) I told him I want my nice latex bed there if we are going to sleep in on Sunday. Which means we would have to move my bed up to the house a few days before the wedding. Because I now own a nice bed, I cannot sleep in most other mattresses. I was dreading the thought of trying to sleep the night before the wedding on the guest bed in my parents' house. Solution: Tempur-pedic offered a fabulous promotion to mattress salespeople and we can buy our "dream bed" for a fraction of the price. We will have that bed delivered up to our house mid-June, my bed will stay with me through my most stressful days and we will wake up(late) Sunday morning having slept like a dream.

Like Butter

2009-05-21T14:04:00.000-07:00

This stuff is amazing. I do like the Ultimate mascara by Mary Kay, but this stuff is blowing my mind! It goes on like butter and doesn't flake all over my face. There are 3 different kinds of Diorshow mascara, this is the blackout. It's $24 and worth every penny.

Your wedding better sleep with 1 eye open

2009-05-20T12:30:00.000-07:00

oh, the details!
Do you want white tablecloths or ivory? Do you want rocks in these vases? Do you want provolone or swiss? Do you want to go through with this or elope? AHAAHAAHAHHAH!
I love my mom, she is talented and capable of making these decisions without consulting me every time. I picked the groom, the date, and the dress, who cares about the rest!
Ok, I do care. I just am a very indecisive person and this is the ultimate scenario in which indecision is NOT tolerated. "You are the bride, you get to pick." As the "bride," I have decided I don't want to pick anymore. All of the big decisions are made, and I'm sure it will be so amazing and "un-stuffy" that everyone will have the time of their lives!
Now that we have that all squared away, I have a funny dress fitting story.
The little, and I mean, teeny-tiny, seamstress named Toshi came into the room to get things arranged for taking in my dress. She looks at my dress with no train, no hem to be done, and says, "my favorite dress!" How sweet, mine too. She loves the minimal work she has to do. After we have a small discussion about where the waist should hit me, and the darts for the boobs are in a place that satisifies her; she tries to schedule a second fitting.
Unfortuneately, "June brides" are all the rage this year. Thank you, Bride Wars.
June 5th will be tough for her to get done, but she is hesitant to schedule me on June 12th. My salesperson tells her that would still give us 2 weeks to make any last minute adjustments. She looks at me and says, "SOOOOOOO Sorry!" I laugh and tell her that I'm not worried about it, that works perfectly for me. She keeps saying "sorry" and my sales lady says, "Toshi, it's ok. SHE'S NOT ONE OF THE CRAZY ONES!"
This is now my motto.

Perfect day to book a honeymoon

2009-05-13T10:07:00.000-07:00

Hello Mexico!

This is the resort we will be staying at from June 29th through July 5th...

The Grand Riviera Princess in the Riviera Maya (south of Cancun).

It borders the Carribean Sea, fabulous turqoise waters and not a care in the world will follow us there!

In my dreams

2009-05-12T15:10:00.000-07:00

I woke up with such a feeling of anxiety.
I dreamt that Chris and I went somewhere with Janelle, my boss and his wife. We spent the night and had a grand time. We woke up the next morning and there was a bustle in the house. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 10 minutes after 11. ON THE DAY OF OUR WEDDING.
I rushed into the other room and Janelle assured me that clock was just fast... it was 9 o'clock. Which means, I'm still late! I went back to the house to take a shower and get my hair done, and my photographer had not called to find out why we were late. I went to the bathroom and someone was getting ready in my bathroom. I backed off for a minute, then realized that it was my wedding day and I don't have to share my bathroom. I got the girl to open the door and squeezed in against her trying to force me out. I began throwing her makeup and curling irons out the door in an effort to make her leave. My sister came up and agreed with my actions, while my mother seemed very disappointed in the way I was treating our "guest." Once I forced the girl out and got ready, we flashed forward to the photos that were very very late. Almost every friend I have was there and in my pictures and all the girls' hair was very pretty. Mine, however, was terrible. Nothing more than a tight ponytail and some bangs. Yes, I said bangs. I was going to overlook it, then I realized I couldn't. I pleaded with my mom to redo my hair and at this point the stress coursing through my veins from being so late had completely ruined the ambiance of the whole day.
I am putting in my order now for absolutely no stress on June 27th.

Arriba!

2009-05-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

After seeking the "professional" advice of a travel agent, we are doing it.
Planning on it anyway.
"it" is going to Mexico. Beach, hot July sun, resort, unlimited food and beverage. She says she has honeymooners scheduled to leave mid May and because this whole flu scare is winding down, she feels very comfortable booking us there.
For all of you lovely people concerned for our safety, IF there is a problem or another outbreak, we can simply move our reservation to another sunny destination. We will lose certain perks like the "all inclusive," but I think it's a fair trade.
We have not made a final decision on the destination, but Cancun and Mayan Riviera are the biggest possibilities.
yay.

The waiting game

2009-05-05T19:57:00.000-07:00

Phew! I am wrapping up the invitations and feeling like this is all coming together very quickly.

We registered at Target last weekend and I had absolutely no control over the scanning gun. Let me clarify, I did not scan any items but I directed the wielding of that gun. We laughed and had a lot of fun imagining all the items in our new home.

We are falling into our perspective roles pretty easily. For example, I decorated the kitchen and played with candles while he mowed the yard and fought with the weed eater. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy to look out into the yard and see him pridefully making perfect lines with the mower.

Here are some photos of the progress...

My favorite wall. I need this Carol Hagan painting centered on that wall, though.

My little Italian bistro. Complete with fridge magnets.

The living room-ish. There are many improvements to be made here, so I will keep you posted!

Dilema of the century

2009-04-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

Today is the day I was supposed to book our honeymoon in Cancun.
SWINE FLU!??!
Chris is worried about it and has put my booking permission on temporary hold. I said there have only been a few deaths (less than 200)and I'm certain salt water and the HOT sun kill flu germs on Americans. Since we are still 8 weeks away from the date we would fly down there, could this go away? Could it get worse? We could get insurance on the trip and reschedule if we decide it isn't safe. Mexico is the cheapest sunny destination we have come up with and now I'm feeling a little discouraged.
Your thoughts???

The seal is broken, bring on the gifts!

2009-04-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

Our first wedding gift! A lot of time and love was put into this photo album for Chris and I, and she just couldn't wait for the wedding to give it to us. I hope you like!

Each bead you see on the border is glued individually

Each flower was placed individually

It even has our date ;)

From showers to freak-outs

2009-04-22T12:53:00.000-07:00

Kayla's bridal shower on Sunday went very well. It was sunny and beautiful on the deck at Pacuigo's and we enjoyed yummy cupcakes and wedding cake flavored gelato.
Chris and I made tentative plans to go fishing out at the Laurel pond afterwards, but the wind would have been too irritating to deal with. He suggested we go check out this new place he found to shoot prairie dogs. YES! I apologize to those of you who do not understand this "sport." I have a diabolical alter-ego when it comes to this activity and we had lots of fun out in the sun.
This morning marked my first neurotic moment in wedding planning. Holly has worked so hard to help me on my invitations and all with the original idea of "keeping it small and simple." My mom had different ideas, and added quite a few people to the reception list. Holly doubled checked the number with me, and I was so thrilled to hear they were coming, I quickly agreed. I sprung awake at 7 this morning panicked about that number not being enough. I got to work, texted Holly and tried to sort out my guest list. After freaking Holly out, I re-counted and realized I was only off by about 10-15. I felt like an idiot. Holly was a gracious friend and assured me it was ok, and that she would take care of it. (You are a life saver, Holly)
Of course, after you freak out about something like this; it urges you to go over all the details you think you had taken care of. I think I did, and I think everything is fine.
I have many friends helping me with details and I am incredibly grateful for that!

2009-04-21T15:34:00.001-07:00

And I quote:
The new truffle blizzard at dairy queen tastes like a baby angel.
Ok...

I often get confused for Rachel Ray

2009-04-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

Does this look like the most delicious cupcake or what??
Those of you attending Kayla Kuehn's Bridal Shower on Sunday will be delighted to find a tower full of these fabulous desserts

She made us look good

2009-04-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

Sorry it took so long to post these!! Michelle Pace of Artistic Vision is photographing our wedding, and we asked her to do our engagement photos. Here are some of our favorites!
At the old Jail house/Walker's downtown.

My Mom's favorite.

My favorite.

Lots of people's favorite. This is the one we are putting in the paper.

Let me know what you think!

Unforseen terrors about moving

2009-04-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

First of all, don't judge me. I know living at your parents' house isn't the most glamorous thing you can imagine; but it was cheap, convenient, and surprisingly rewarding.
As I hurried into mom's room this morning to find her perfect little black ballet flats that go so well with my capris; I realized this will soon be coming to an end.
We have joked about it and laughed at how I wouldn't be able to accessorize without her extensive jewelry collection. Maybe more concerning, is how we fairly consistently come out of separate ends of the house wearing either the same color scheme or the same piece of clothing in a different color. If we couldn't catch these things before we leave the house; what if we meet for lunch somewhere and end up doing this. How embarassing! Seriously, it would shock you how much this happens...
In theory, I'm losing about 3/4 of my "available" wardrobe because mom occupies 3 closets and I can only take mine with me. In addition to this scary situation, I have promised my betrothed that I would pitch anyting I haven't worn in 1 year(CRAP).
If you see me wearing the same thing you saw me wearing the last time you saw me, it's because I really like that outfit and there were only 2 other possibilities that were mostly likely buried in a laundry basket.

Still a house, not quite a home

2009-04-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

WooHoo!
Painting is done.
Tile is done.
Carpet is done.
Moving is NOT done...
This will be the next (slow)adventure. I am looking forward to taking my time, and moving things a couple boxes at a time. I bruise very easily and cardboard box corners are not forgiving. We are hoping to have an open house when everything is done and we can handle that sort of capacity. I will keep you posted!
p.s. We found a great deal on a front loading washer and dryer set. That is thrilling!!

4/8" is the same as 1/2". duh.

2009-04-02T13:42:00.000-07:00

dusty trail
cocoa pebble
lucky penny
galapagos aqua
I want to be the namer of paint colors.
These are the colors I will be surrounded by for at least the next few years. I love them! I didn't want to post pictures until colors were dry, and that will hopefully be soon!
We laid tile in the entry and will be grouting it tonight.
This is the part where I particularly missed my husband to be. As my dad and I stood in Home Depot and struggled to correctly calculate the square footage of something we measured in inches and want to lay 18 inch tile in; my head spun into a dimension of confused I haven't experienced since Mr. Johnson's math class(I always cheated off Rob anyway). Luckily, we were in a store full of tape measures and I had a cell phone with a calculator! We laid out the tape and put tile down like our floor and voila.
Of course, I changed my mind at the last minute and got different tile, and thought I could use less, and I WAS WRONG. Which resulted in a considerably lengthy drive from my new home back to the store for only 2 more tiles. I love you and your brains, Chris!

MT Code 40-1-301

2009-03-26T09:10:00.000-07:00

Chris and I have been attending bible studies with some other people I work with. Stephen Wylie has been leading them, and since Chris and I know him better than any pastor; we asked if he would marry us. He was excited about the idea, and started researching if he could. After many "opinions" from pastors and such; Stephen just called the marraige license office. This is what she told him to Google:

40-1-301. Solemnization and registration. (1) A marriage may be solemnized by a judge of a court of record, by a public official whose powers include solemnization of marriages, by a mayor, city judge, or justice of the peace, by a tribal judge, or in accordance with any mode of solemnization recognized by any religious denomination, Indian nation or tribe, or native group. Either the person solemnizing the marriage or, if no individual acting alone solemnized the marriage, a party to the marriage shall complete the marriage certificate form and forward it to the clerk of the district court.

Blah Blah Blah... She says, "I'm not supposed to point this out, read #3!"

(3) The solemnization of the marriage is not invalidated by the fact that the person solemnizing the marriage was not legally qualified to solemnize it if either party to the marriage believed that person to be qualified.

Let's review:
You have to be solemized... by whomever you deem qualified!
I think my 4 year old-half retarded-golden retriever is qualified, so let's get hitched!

Montana is AMAZING.

I couldn't help it, she's just so darn cute!

2009-03-22T20:45:00.000-07:00

I forgot I had these. This is Savannah, she will be our flower girl; and this was our fashion show.

This one had a pretty sash, but it is way too big.

Obviously, this is the one she picked. Is it freakin' adorable, or what?She wanted a picture of the back.

I have a feeling this is what will be going on the day of the wedding. She kept calling it "her princess dress!"

13 weeks and 5 days!

The ugly duckling on Moccasin Trail

2009-03-22T18:39:00.000-07:00

Everything went super-smooth on Friday, we had keys to our house before 1pm.

We had lunch at our favorite restaruant, Santa Fe Red's, and went to try cake flavors. Rough day, huh?

The real work began on Saturday! We spent a couple hours getting our engagement photos done and headed up to meet my parents to start demolition of popcorn celings, stupid entry walls, and flourescent lighting in the bathroom(yuck). Here are some "before" photos to ponder on until we have a final product!

This fabulous little wall was on the front lawn when Chris and I pulled up... My mom knows what she's doing!

This is the view from the front door. The bedrooms and bathroom are to the right, and the dining area is straight ahead.

The kitchen is off the dining room. The laundry room is through that door, and the door to the garage is in the laundry room.

Let the remodeling begin!

Crap! I'm on the dark side

2009-03-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

I was invited to a lovely St. Patty's day get-together last night, and as I spoke with some friends; I realized something... I'm "that girl" who talks about wedding stuff.
My mom has recently kicked-in and brought up a mound of things I either did not think about or did not care about. Now, I am consumed.
For example:
I didn't get to take a lunch yesterday, but I had to cover the other store, so I stopped at TJ Maxx to see if they had any flower girl dresses. I fell in love with some FABULOUS Waterford crystal champagne flutes. I didn't buy them. I went back to work and gushed about them. Then, after a co-workers urging, I went back and bought them. Obsessed. With champagne flutes.
The dark side is full of pretty crystal, elegant centerpieces, and 2 pairs of shoes for the wedding day!

2009-03-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

I dropped Chris off at the airport again tonight. I officially hate this. However, I at least get to see him on the weekends; so I should be more thankful. He comes back on Thursday night this week because....
We close on our house Friday!!!!
Our new address is 711 Moccasin Trail, 59105. We will start scraping popcorn celings and painting on Saturday. Hopefully, Chris will be able to move in when he's done in Seattle. Only 3 more weeks of that! I will move in after the wedding, and I am thrilled!
We found our perfect spot for the ceremony today. It's 10 feet from the river, it's easily accessible, and it's practically free. I don't think it gets much better than that.
All the silly little details of wedding were spinning around in my head this weekend, and as Chris and I were driving around today, I was running through what we had done and what we still had to either get lined up, or make a decision on and he started to look nauseated. I looked over and said, "overwhelmed?? Now do you have a vague idea of what I'm dealing with? Can I share some of it with you?" He took my hand and said, "of course, baby" I'm sure he was thinking if he told me he didn't care and I could handle it myself; I was liable to shout FLY ME TO VEGAS NOW!

I feel so official

2009-03-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

Under construction.

Thank you, Holly, for getting this going for me! (plug for Polished ink blogs)
I'm hoping to use this to update everyone on wedding things, me things, and to feel "included" in this wonderful blog world that all of my dear friends have gotten me addicted to!

For now, wedding planning is moving along just fine. I feel so blessed to have so many friends who want to help with things; and I'm sure that this time around I will utilize those offers! I have asked a few of you for help, and I surely appreciate your eagerness. I have about 15 weeks left and I have a dress(here in April) some rings(came in yesterday) a photographer(still have lots of $$$ to pay her) a cake(ish) a reception location(thank you Glassings) and a groom(my love, Christopher). I suppose that is the makings of a wedding. Oh! and Holly is also designing some fabulous invitations so people can join us in our celebration!
I love when people ask about how the wedding plans are going. I hate this question. I'm sure expectant mother's feel the same way about "how far along are you?" It's funny because I think they are expecting me to gush about wedding colors, locations, flowers, details that really don't occupy the matter of my brain until late at night when I've dreamt that my wedding dress came in as a green safari suit. I feel so at peace about this occassion that I just smile and say "fine, good, it's easy."
Go ahead, keep asking. I know it's hard to bring up the subject otherwise. And, if you feel you are dutifully qualified to handle an obligation such as setting up a tent, chairs, organizing food, parking, or just want to follow me around that day fanning me and giving me quick foot massages; I am taking applications!