Yesterday was dubbed "defeated day."
I had roughly 4 hours of sleep, the rest of the night, I lie away coaxing my little one to spontaneously flip around and give me some peace of mind. I started imagining all the scary things that might be wrong with her and that's why she couldn't do it. I started thinking about how expensive those things will be and how will we afford that. My ridiculous and irrational mind was totally in control and it stole all my sleep and good attitude.
We had another Dr.'s appointment yesterday and that didn't even cheer me up. Usually I love talking to Dr. Ezell and bask in the whole pre-natal experience. I was quiet and grumpy and didn't want to be there. He checked me and said that I'm not effaced, but I am dilated 1 whole cm.
I went home, took a relaxing warm bath, watched the season finale of True Blood and got some much needed rest.
Today is much better attitude wise, but I can't help exploring all these negative and worrisome feelings. I was so positive and upbeat and the further I get with her in the wrong position, the more anxious, irritated, and defeated I feel. I'm pissed that I have done so much work to prepare myself on the most natural, comfortable, healthy birthing experience I can possibly offer and it won't do me an ounce of good if she stays this way. I have stayed active and healthy, and had such a comfortable pregnancy; all to be thrown out the window in a surgical birth. I know God is in control of this situation and maybe there is a reason for all of this we won't know until later or never at all; but this is my blog, so I get to complain when something pisses me off.
I am seeing the chiropractor, she is very encouraging and hopeful. I had acupuncture today. That was an interesting experience. We have some home exercises to do and that seems hopeful as well.
Hope. That's what I get to cling onto right now. Hope, and the desperate knowledge that I am doing everything I possibly can to give this little one the opportunity to turn and birth safely.
Aquarius
16 hours ago
Oh girl, maybe we shouldn't have watched that movie. It'll all work out the way it's meant to be. You are loving this baby with all you've got and have been a picture of perfect pregnancy (say THAT three times fast!). No matter how your darling is born, it will be right for her, and in the span of a lifetime, her entrance into the world is just one of many milestones you will share with her!
ReplyDeleteBut still.... FLIP, baby, FLIP!
Which season on True Blood? I have only seen the 2nd season... So no spoilers!
ReplyDeleteI can't move your babe and I can't make you at ease, so lets meet up sometime, for movies? Popcorn? Birthday Shenanigans? dessert? knitting?
I hope I can be one hell of a distraction!
Twenty-four hours after my water broke, I had still not had a SINGLE contraction and was only 1 cm dilated. I had some very stern words with my uterus! I had done everything humanly possible to avoid another C-section and yet, I could not will my uterus to contract...very frustrating. In the end, I was so very anxious to meet my new baby that I became less concerned about how he arrived.
ReplyDeleteIs your doctor willing to physically turn your baby girl? I've heard it's painful but it can be effective. In the meantime, bank some hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep...once baby arrives sleep will become so precious! :)